The Pun-Off Results - 30.12.11

Categories: Footballers & Television Programmes

With the apology out of the way we can get down to the proper business of announcing the winners of 2011’s final and arguably best Pun-Off. Punners being off work certainly helped participation but I also think that previous Pun-off spectators finally grew in confidence and decided to throw in a debut effort or five. More of these later.

The quality and quantity of Puns was huge this week – 237 entries and comments –  this is a massive amount considering this was a Post-Bissian game. We had 243 comments in one of the early Pun-offs but this was before The Biss Clause was conceived and put into effect. Robust, plentiful Punning times.

So, here we go....

In 3^rd place....I am very proud to announce a debutant effort from an active spectator:

Evra Decreasing Circles – Melissa Wharton

If you look back at the Pun-Off you’ll see that Wharton wrote this and immediately lost confidence and sheepishly said something like: “Sorry if this entry is poop...it’s my first go”. Oh, how wrong she was and besides; I’m a big fan of unassuming Punning. This Pun made me chortle merrily and demonstrates yet again the classic Punning skill of keeping the Pun as similar to the original as possible. Wharton’s rise to Punning prominence suggests great things to come and I hope that she continues with her dedication to wordplay. One to watch.

In 2^nd place....with another debut entry devised while driving and delivered via his wife:

Mario Balo-Telli Addicts – Tim Arber

I really liked this one and it was the one who made my mum laugh the most - this goes a long way. On first view it's a little difficult to read (something I don't usually like) but once you're familiar with it it has clarity, complexity, and a swift, mirthy finish. Arber is also a debutant but his wife Nicola is a well known, some might say "notorious" Punner who is rumoured to have coached Tim Arber to Punning success - she is the Mr. Miyagi to his Daniel-San.

Nicola Arber





And in 1st Place....he's a key cog in the Pun-Off machine and this almost made me choke on the bacon butty my Mum had just lovingly prepared and delivered.

Fash in the Attic - Sam Biss

I know that using the shortened version of John Fashanu's name wasn't officially sanctioned but I applaud Biss for taking the risk and using one of his precious five entries. It wins because it's a perfect combination and is again very similar to the original. It also conjures an amazing image of the  lofty striker hunched in the corner of my roof space; perhaps in a tattered Wimbledon kit and surrounded by frayed and fire damaged pictures of him from when he was on Gladiators. "Steve, What's that noise?"...."Oh that, that's Fash in the Attic". Perfect.



The writing on his Shirt in not a sponsor;
It's a description.

Well done Sam.

And so, to PEOPLE'S CHAMPION....

America's next top Waddle - Alan Mitchell

There now exists very few superlatives to describe the Punning power of Alan Mitchell. He's a man at the top of his game and this effort demonstrates why. This received a record equalling 16 "Likes" and is a clever, funny and beautifully composed Pun. Mitchell has struck a rich vein of form.

Honourable mentions:

Molby City & My Le Saux called life - Frankie Maloney

Great stuff here from new comer Maloney; one to watch for sure.

Gok Wan's Fashanu fix - Rebecca Parry
Parry moaned a bit about the Pun-Off being boys biased and then came up with this...11 "Likes" - case closed.

Through the Keown - Lawerence Williams
Speaks for it's self really - clever and swift from one of the Pun-Off's elder statesmen

Home and aWayne Rooney - Clare Metcalf
A debutant last week, a proven contender this week. A promising rookie.

Pele your Cards Wright - Laura Dinham
Mrs. Pun-Off proves her pedigree. Strong, popular work.

Thierry Bikers - Matt Addison
He competes frequently and has a strong mid-game - keep your eye on him around 1.30pm when he really starts to motor.

Absolutley Fabregas - James "The Bulb" Watts
There were calls for this to be placed - and it nearly did - Watts is clearly dangerous.

Zinedine ZiDancing on Ice - Paul Parry
Parry reported that he thought of this while on the toilet and quickly pulled up his trousers (with only a rudimentary wiping) and waddled through to the bedroom to get this one down before anyone else thought of it. Punning mid-poo - that's committment.

Only Raul's and Lawes' - Gavin Griffiths 
Griffiths was apparently in the middle of decorating his new babies bedroom when he became engrossed in the Pun-Off - 4 hours later the room was left unfinished, with wall paper hanging off the wall and the paste crusty and unused. The distracting power of the Pun-Off strikes again.

PUN-OFF PLEASINGS

Debuts this week from Janine Ferbrache (very proud), Gavin Griffiths, Melissa Wharton (Winner), Alex Jones and Gemma Hughes. A very big welcome to you all!!! If I've missed anyone please let me know and I'll give you the recognition you deserve.

And finally.....

IS THE PUN-OFF EFFECTING YOUR SEX LIFE?

A prominent husband and wife overseas Punning team reported to me that they had retired to bed after a night out with the clear understanding that they would be embarking on a voyage of sexual exploration. However, one of them appears to have made the mistake of checking their phone before proceedings began - needless to say, 45 minutes later they were still throwing Puns into the mix. I can only presume that intercourse had dropped down the list of priorities and that the desire to Pun had taken over. Oh dear.  

The Pun-Off was not designed to retard motions of an intimate nature but perhaps I should be heartened - after all; this might demonstrate the extent to which people enjoy the Pun-Off?

Have you a similar experience? Or perhaps you have a story of a time when Punning has taken priority oversome else in your life - so far it's been Sex, a poo and some essential DIY. Please do share your story by Private messaging me on Facebook.

Until next time Punners........