Results - 27.01.12

Categories: American Film Stars & Ocean/Sea Life

Trying to run The Pun-Off successfully while attending a conference on Child neglect is certainly a test of one's sense of priority. But thankfully, I got my priorities entirely in order and managed, for the most part, to stay abreast of developments in what was an outstanding week for Puns. There was also a really good buffet and a female guest speaker who looked and sounded exactly like Bob Dylan. It was a good day.

Selecting the winners this week has been tough but I'm pleased to announce my winners are:

In 3rd Place with a very silly but simple Pun...

Clamala Anderson - Gabs Lowe

Gabs persistently lobbied me for much of Saturday night, continually drawing my attention to his pun, winking and saying things like - "Yeah? Remember that one tomorrow when you're writing the results...yeah? Yeah?!" Unbeknown to Gabs I'd already awarded his excellent Pun 3rd place. I like the simplicity, that goes without saying, but I also like the fact that Pamela Anderson is predominately known for her ocean/sea/marine based acting. A fine example of Meta-Punning from the plucky young contender. Lowe has been working hard on his punning and has shown a definite improvement. I think he's finally found his own style now and, if he can control his temperament, is likely to feature here much more in Pun-Offs to come.

Tasteful,
non-alienating caption

In 2nd Place...he's become quite the regular on the winners board of late:

Val Krillmer - Paul Parry

To get noticed in the Punning world it has become essential for Punners to dig deep and mine the dark corners of the given categories. Parry has done this here and was the first to unleash Krill onto the Pun-Off, triggering a tide of of Krill based Puns. Parry continues to demonstrate his broad knowledge base and skillful timing. I'm concerned though that the weight of expectation on his shoulders might force him to "over-think" in the future and push his Puns too far; we've certainly seen this before. I have a sense that Parry is keen to achieve and be the best Punner he can be; I just hope that he is as prepared to cope with defeat as he appears to be with success.

Volley Ball
anyone? ANYONE?

And in 1st Place with an outstandingly silly, krilly double Pun right out of the top drawer:

Krilly Bob Prawnton - Martin Hall

Martin Hall is a success story. His winning Pun forced me to suppress a giggle just as the key-note speaker was making an important remark about the effects of head-lice. Hall has experienced his fair share of variations in form but he seems now to have found his own true Punning voice now. Previously quite early to Biss-out he's clearly taking his time more of late. This excellent double-Pun wins first prize on account of it's extreme silliness and ease of flow. It's also a risky double-pun which many are too afraid to attempt. Well done to Martin, I'm sure he'll be delighted with his placing this week.

And so...to the highly coveted PEOPLE'S CHAMPION award!!! I'm delighted to announce that this week's People's Champion was a debutant. Please join me in celebrating the meteoric rise to glory of...

Squidney Poittier - Adrian Hoile

Hoile hit the Pun-Off hard this week, unleashing a trio of early Puns that blew the competition wide open. I imagined some of the more seasoned Punners sitting up and saying: "Who's this guy?!" Hoile's success here is partially down to his wide knowledge base but credit is  certainly due for the clarity, syllabic flow and silliness of this excellent Pun. With 16 "Likes" Hoile was People's Champion by quite a distance. I can't be certain, but it's possible that Hoile has developed a taste for Punning. His debut today sees him rise briskly out of the academy system and into the competitive arena; I'm certain we'll see plenty more from him. Well done to Adrian who is only the second person to win the ultimate prize in Punning on his debut (the other being Jonn Dean).

Honourable mentions

Brad Limpitt - James "The Bulb" Watts

The Bulb gets a mention here for Punning all the way from Istanbul - apparently seeking out an Internet Cafe with the express intention of Punning while on holiday. Outstanding commitment.

Bruce Krillis - James Hitchmough

We saw unprecedented "Power Punning" from Hitchmough this week - within the space of about 20 minutes he was able to unleash some quality Puns and leave like he was never there. Aggressive, impact Punning from The Brawn-Mougher.

James Pelicaan - Warren J. Williams 

Quite subtle this one. Nice.

Moules Brenner - Tim Evans

T'Evans nervously awaited my judgement on this - what with him Punning with a french word. I allowed it on the grounds that it is in common usage in England within a gastronomic context. It's quite fancy Punning from the typically traditional Evans and he quite rightly named it as "Pulling a McCartney"...after the now infamous show-boater Edmund McCartney.

Debuts

Just three debuts this week, please make them all feel very welcome:

Adrian Hoile(People's Champion, dangerous), Jonathan Gibson (promising rookie) and Steve Dare (strong late game, has potential)

Thankings and well wishings

Many thanks for those helping with the repeats this week and thanks for your patience with the results.

Everyone here at Punning House would like to wish a speedy recovery to friend and rugby-club mate Ben "Ken Belly" Kelly who sadly broke his leg on Saturday. Get well soon Ben!

So, a truly great week of Punning - strong field, generous categories, and plenty of outstanding. Until next time!!! 

A Punners guide to Punsmanship

Lately, embedded deep within the riveting roots of The Pun-Off, we have seen some highly pleasing examples of outstanding Punsmanship. We've seen self-regulated repetition removal,  cordial complimentary exchanges between rival Punners and we've all received the gift of humility and gratitude in victory from the glorious few. All these acts and more make The Pun-Off a very special place to play with words.

Everyone here at Punning House (Me) is keen to promote the continuation of this mature and good natured conduct. But, conducting ourselves well in relation to our Punning peers is only part of the challenge. A Punner must also conduct him or herself well for the sake of the Puns themselves. Puns have rights too.

So, I am in the process of drafting The Punners Code of Conduct. It is a reference for every Punner wishing to maximise their impact on the competition as well as the hearts and minds of their fellow Punners. I will be uploading it in the next week or so but it's quite a lengthy process and I'm terribly busy and important...so please bare with me.

Please be assured though, my dearest Punners, that this whole exercise is not intended to suppress or homogenise the unique characteristics of our diverse community; that would be a travesty like no other. My hope is that a clear code of conduct will make The Pun-Off a safer place to Pun; a place where people can Pun without fear of prejudice or abuse and where every persons input is valued; unless their Puns are irretrievably rubbish of course.

I've nothing against our lovely novices, inexperienced debutants or "Improvers" but if there is evidence that a Punner has Punned tastelessly or without due diligence  then I feel they should be given the opportunity and encouragement to up their game. The line between a bad Pun and a good Pun is almost invisible -often the very essence of a "Good" pun is that it is "Bad" and this naturally makes judging the whole competition very difficult indeed. But, a "Bad" Pun that is "Good" and a "Bad" Pun that is actually "Bad" is just about perceptible if you're looking with the right kind of eyes. I'm hoping that Punning Code of Conduct will help you develop these astute and descerning "Punning eyes".



Fully developed Pun-Eyes



Any ideas, suggestions, thoughts, feeling or emotions are entirely welcome and will be given due consideration; unless of course they immediately present as being the confused ramblings of a bewildered peasant (see above).

 

Results 20.01.2012

Categories: Actresses & Illnesses/ailments

An interesting week; quite thought provoking. Much to discuss.   

It was not a strong week. Let's put that out there from the off. Some great Puns but it was mostly a day of poorly developed, overly speculative, seemingly rushed efforts. It's a shame but, like every competition there will be good and not so good weeks. The categories were apparently quite difficult but I would like to express that The Pun-Off is getting more competitive, more diverse and more complex - you've got to do a lot more to get noticed these days.

Finally, before we reveal the successful Punners this week I'd like to announce that I will be writing and distributing The Punners Charta - an easy to digest document covering rules and code of conduct. The number of repeats and invalid Puns today was quite frustrating and time consuming - but, I'm not in a mood or anything, I'd just like to make The Pun-Off easier to run. I hope you understand.

Thou shalt Pun well
or not at all

Anyway, some of you rose to the challenge and delivered some excellent Puns in difficult circumstances. Let's get to it and celebrate the success of:

In 3rd Place with a beautifully constructed and cunningly subtle Pun:

Caroline Ahernia - Dave Shipley

It takes a shrewd Punning mind to spot a Pun like that; hidden away as it is within such an usual name. Shipley shows his ability here and is improving week on week. This is another example of the "Minimum change-maximum impact" tactic that we see placing on the winners board week-in-week out. It's not always the golden ticket to victory but it's one of the proven routes. Take heed.

In 2nd Place with an ailment that featured quite heavily and with a Pun that we saw repeated 3-4 times (tut,tut):

Tumor Thurman - Paul Parry

I'm sure this well known ailment had crossed the mind of many Punners today and I think Parry sensed this. He attacked the board early and aggressively which is fitting given that this is the best way to treat the aforementioned condition. Meta-Punning from a rising star who almost took the People's Champion prize this week.

And in 1st Place....this Pun made me laugh and think and laugh again several times today:

Psoriasissy Spacek - Rosie Melon

Melon is new to The Pun-Off, debuting just last week. She's dug deep here to unleash a Pun that scores points for originality and composition and for exhibiting her evidently wide knowledge base. The excellently named Rosie Melon threw in several strong efforts this week. She's a great example to all new Punners out there; she doesn't use her inexperience in competitive Punning as an excuse for being rubbish or tardy. She's just been getting on with, playing her own game, having faith in her own ability. Well done Rosie, good work.

And....this week's PEOPLE'S CHAMPION'S is:

Sarah Jessica Parkinson's - Jonn Dean

Congratulations Jonn! The ultimate prize in Punning is Jonn's after just his 3rd week of competitive Punning. What we've seen today is that the fine City of Manchester is a breeding ground for premier Punners - Davies, Arber, Melon, Duke, Williams and Sutherland to name but a few. The great thing here is that this is no where near the best Jonn has to offer; I suspect the subject matter this week wasn't quite to his taste. But still, a deserving victory with "10" likes and another example of new comers rising to prominence. Well done Jonn, you should be very happy with that result.

Honourable mentions

Illda Swinton - Edmund McCartney
Simplicity here from McCartney - he's often goes one way or another...overly complex or simple and brilliant like this effort

Megan Pox - Paul Parry
He had a very strong week this week. He's also a cordial and considerate Punner; an shining example to you all.

Miley Virus - James Watts
A return to form but not the leader board for The Bulb. This was repeated 4-5 times today highlighting Watts' swift delivery.

Sigourney Fever - Frankie Maloney
Weaver featured a fair bit today; her mellifluous name providing rich picking the  linguistically minded. I'd expect Maloney to continue with Puns of this calibre.

Catherine Zeta-Chrones disease - Sam Bradbury
He had a bit of a shocker early on; often repeating and then answering back when admonished. But, he quickly redeemed himself with this outstanding effort.

Debuts

A very warm welcome to our debutants this week; not much in the way of immediate impact but I'm confident these new members of our community will find their way. Please make them, and all our upcoming debutants welcome.

Ben Lake (from last week), Laura Roberts, Philip Ashman, Jo Hanna Moss, Niall Kelly, Chloe Wallace.


So, there we go. An interesting week that wasn't quite the explosive Pun-Fest I was hoping for....but, I have faith in 3 things:

1. I can think up better categories next week
2. Everyone who needs to will raise their game
3. That Puns will always be there when we need them

Have a great week everyone and if you got on the leader board please feel free to make a little acceptance speech in the FB comment box. Hazaah!

The Pundamentals: The Popularity of Punning

I am in no doubt that a man who lives in a house-boat filled with dozens of wild, flapping Geese would be under the impression that Geese are absolutely everywhere these days. So ubiquitous would the waterfowl be that almost every flicker of his cognition would settle on, or at least pass by issues relating to those sinister, beaky mauderers of aggression.



Bastards



He would probably be more perceptive to Geese featuring in the media or on the Internet and would most likely be able to distinguish the feint honking of a near-by Goose over the bustle and din of a busy bar. The relative omnipresence of the Geese might force our inundated man to assume that others too are chronically over-Goosed.

Puns, in their various forms, have become the Geese of my recent, poorly-conceived analogy. They're everywhere it seems and I've even begun dreaming about them. This of course raises a vital question....

Are Puns genuinely more popular at the moment? Or am I just noticing more and more Pun related websites, blogs, articles and events because I'm immersed in Punning at an administrative level? They've been around forever of course; enjoying periods of begrudging acceptance, wide-spread dislike and comforting apathy. Once the staple fall-back of a desperate to impress Dad they now seem to be an essential component in the informal lexicon of young men and woman across the land. There are those that hate Puns of course - typically sneering types who dislike them because other people are enjoying themselves or simply because they can't think of any decent ones themselves.

If Puns are popular at the moment and somehow tickling the fickle chin of fashion then I'm happy carry on - until of course it becomes ironic to like Puns; then I'll get all annoyed. If I could walk up to and flick the testicles of any intangible concept it would be irony. Anyway, how do I feel at the moment? I think perhaps "Earnest appreciation" would best describe my personal feelings about Puns and Punning and if they have somehow become a part of the spirit of the times, dare I say Zeitgeist, then that's fine too.

Perhaps I'm going a bit far with my assumptions on the importance of Punning; perhaps The Emperor of that familiar idiom remains entirely naked, freezing his nuts off like everyone else is at the moment. Whatever the case I'm sure that I'll see you all tomorrow for what promises to be another record breaking Pun-Off. Hazaah!

Results - 13.01.2012

Categories: Transport & Bands/Pop Groups

It was an absurdly large week - 316 entries and comments at the close of play. The size of this week's Pun-Off is only partially responsible for my tardiness with the results; I haven't been able to write them up because I simply haven't had the two hours spare that it usually takes me. I should also add that I've been drunk a fair bit this weekend and trying to write while intoxicated is like a one-armed cowboy trying to lasso a cat....with spaghetti; it just ain't happening.

As each week passes it's becoming harder and harder to pick a winner - seventeen Puns on my short-short list and only three places to award. It's a proper Noightmurr - as they say in the west country. But, I have endeavoured to deliver as deliver I must. The not so subtle "encouragement" from Punners is growing more vitriolic and hate-filled as time drags on.

So, here we are:

In 3rd place....

Tyre Straights - Katie Everson

It was only a matter of time before Everson placed on the winner's board. This Pun is as simple as it is effective. The no nonsense delivery mirrors the pragmatic approach of Knopfler and co as they rock the shit out of wedding discos. Everson is likely to grow in confidence and I anticipate a mid-winter peak.

Dire Straights -
The Sultan's of Ming

In 2nd Place....Punning all the way from Australia and in the aftermath of four early entries being dismissed as illegal (solo artists) this long time Punner deserves credit for:

Toboggan's and Roses - Adrian Cordiner

This Pun speaks for itself but is better uttered quick and casual in order to draw out the semi-hidden flow. Cordiner has shown persistence and despite a few honourable mentions has not placed before. Generally, I expect a lot from Adrian and hope that the potentially soul crushing dismissals don't knock his trade mark confidence.

And in 1st Place...here he is again with a classic late afternoon entry that just missed out on the highly converted people's champion award:

Frankie rows to Hollywood - Tim Evans

This was a very popular Pun with 12 "Likes" and it comes as no surprise - it really is excellent Punning. I'm beginning to wander whether Evans enters his Puns later because of work or as part of a tactical ploy to gain maximum exposure. It matters not, he's a deserving winner in my eyes. The aforementioned Frankie propelling himself to Los Angeles by boat is a thrilling thought; especially if he was captured and aggressively sodomised by a 10 strong crew of Icelandic fishermen.....accidentally sinks.

Good work as ever from The Stalking Horse.

And so to the glorious announcement of PEOPLE'S CHAMPION....

He was a debutant last week (who I forgot to mention...oops) and this week he has risen to prominence with the following popular Pun:

Black Cabbath - Jonn Dean

Two other Punners threw this one in later in the day and probably thought they were onto a winner - but Dean got it on the board early on. It was popular with 13 "likes" and exhibits Dean's keen eye for simplicity. Never before has changing just one letter effected such dramatic change. Many congratulations to Jonn for this; he's a keen Punner and brings a well rounded skill set to the competition. In fact, I noticed that Jonn and a few of his friends engaged in a small scale, unregulated free-for-all Punning event later that afternoon. Dean obviously had plenty of Punning juice left in the tank. It's probably too early to use the word "prolific" but by this time next month th I may have no choice. Well done Jonn.

Honourable mentions

Simon and Carfunkle - Gavin Grittiths

I've not seen form like this for a long time - all of Griffith's entries were strong this week. Initially rubbish at Puns...now a threat.

Jeep Purple - Laura Dinham

The popularity of this Pun will put end to any accusations of favouritism on my part. It's solid work from a proven punner.

Green Daewoo - Paul Goodman

Brilliant from Goodman. The microwave at my work is made by Daewoo and I think they should stick to making cars. It took me about 7 hours to heat some chicken soup the other day - I might as well of used a bloody hair dryer.

Yacht the Hoople - Justine Grimley

Technically excellent from the frequently strong Grimley. Evidence of a good knowledge base.

Black eyed skis - Edward Slimm

Student Slimm really pushed the envelope outside of the box here - Skis transport people and you can't argue with that.

Wu Tang Pram - Frankie Maloney

This was my favourite Wu Tang based Pun - Wu Tang Prams are due to be on sale in Mothercare from the Spring.

Banana Llama - Melissa Wharton

The lateral thinking from Wharton - but are Llamas used in the same way as Camels? I certainly hope so.

Finally, a big thank you for Chris "Manc-snake" Davies for assisting with moderating yesterday. The sheer volume of Puns proved somewhat overwhelming and without him I would have collapsed on the floor and sobbed.

Official recognition of hurt feelings

My good friend Ben Sutherland has sulked all weekend about having his "MC Hummer" entry dismissed on the grounds that MC Hammer is a solo artist and not a band. Such was his disappointment that he sent a picture of a penis to my phone. I should have made it clearer that solo artists were not permitted but I didn't want to force the issue. This won't assuage Ben's bitter disappointment though - perhaps me publicly declaring my fondness for his MC Hummer effort will.

Debuts

Some big debuts this week and further evidence of the Pun-Off's growth - a big welcome to you all!

Jon Hill, Sarah Ransome, Ashleigh Victoria Hughes, Nancy Leawork, Rosie Melon, Nicolas Wyatt Duke and Richard Reason

It was a massive week and I'm sure there is more growth to come - thanks to most of you for your patience with the results. Sorry again for the lateness...I do my best!

So, watch out for the occasional post this week and I'll see you all in the Punning arena next Friday!  

Tim Vine - The Psychology of Puns Clip

This is a sound bite from a DVD of legendary British Punner Tim Vine. He is in conversation with Consultant Psychologist Ingrid Collins about "The Psychology of Puns".

It seems that frequent Punning might be masking a fear of intimacy and an individual who Puns to an unhealthy excess is called a Paronomasiac.

Afraid of love?

It's interesting stuff but Vine ends up destroying the serious tone of the piece by dropping some powerful Pun-Bombs.

Excellent behaviour Vine, excellent.

Find out more from the clip below:

The Pundamentals: Debutant Focus

It was a massive week of Punning this week and there was a record number of debutants. Inclusion has always been a top priority for The Pun-Off and everyone here at Punning House (me) is delighted that some of the major Barriers to Punning are being pulled down.

There are plenty of new Punners coming through and putting a marker down for recognition. With this in mind I have identified the two main points of entry for those Punners looking to take their wordplay to the next level. These are:

1. The Academy System
2. The Transfer Market

The Academy System:

Punners joining The Pun-off through the Academy system are generally those that have regularly watched the high-level Punning on show, commented and "Liked" Puns over the course of several weeks but not actually entered a Pun. They are typically already known to Punning House in some capacity. Gradually they begin to develop the confidence, composure and more crucially the hard material to participate. Eventually, they wake up on a Friday and say to themselves: "Yes, Punning is for me; today I will take the first steps to glory!".

It takes a brave person to enter the complex world of competitive Punning and you can be sure that in a year's time some of the great punners on show will have risen through the Academy system.

Let's have a look at some of the debut Punners from this week....you'll see conclusive proof that The Academy System is as fertile as ever. Join me now for....

DEBUTANT FOCUS!

Leon Cave

Solid efforts from a promising wordsmith. Currently buoyant, but needs time to find his feet. He looks to have a strong morning preference which could unsettle some of the more established "Pun-rush" lunch-time Punnists.

Chris Wain (from last week)

A belated acknowledgement for the Midlands Punning powerhouse. While voluminous in stature "Big" Chris Wain has a subtlety of touch that belies his size. As talented as he is zealous.

Stephanie Jane Sweeny

Dramatic assault on The Pun-Off this week from a Punner who chose to stay in the Academy for a few weeks longer than usual. This extra strength and conditioning work has paid dividends though and in this week's Pun-Off Sweeny looked dangerous and placed 2nd. What next for the promising Rookie?

Joanna Ferbrache

Many would have expected a Punner of Ferbrache's pedigree to have featured earlier. However, it appears that she's been plagued with a severe case of "Punner's Block". With her frustration finally assuaged we can be sure we'll see more of Ferbrache. While creative and careful she does have a tendency to find her own Puns disablingly hilarious.

Elanor Westfold

Westfold remains an unknown quantity. Scouting reports suggested that she would be an  ostentatious and powerful addition to the Pun-off; her contributions this week did little to disprove that. Certainly one to watch despite numerous Biss infringements.   

The Transfer Market:

Punners joining competitive play from The Transfer Market generally arrive with an already well developed skill set and a robust track record of Punning. While generally transferring from the lower level Pub/Casual Punning scenarios they often come highly recommended by existing Pun-off competitors.

They are occasionally not even known by Pun-Off House and they commonly transfer in from unregulated, fringe Punning bodies.

Some examples from this week's Pun-off are:

Katie Everson

A muscular debut; clearly of a punular disposition - a natural performer with an already established stylistic preference. Fervent.

Dave Shipley

Shipley dabbled with the Academy system but eventually went his own way. He's a maverick and possibly the last of his kind. A rare beast; too dangerous to live, too rare to die. He could blow The Pun-Off wide open if given the room to flex his wordplay muscles.   

Rheymayo Brooks

Uncompromising and a bookies favourite. However, he's notoriously injury prone and often falls short of a decent run of form. The New Year is likely to see Punners nervously waiting from week to week to see if Brooks is in the running.

Warren J. Williams

Punning all the way from the American South Warren "J-Dubs" Williams brings a different perspective to The Pun-Off. He's obviously been immersed in Punning on either side of The Atlantic; this makes him a dangerous foe for any complacent British Punner assuming they have a monopoly on Puns.

Rich Dinham

What a debut! Another Punner from a rich pedigree of Punners. The Dinham Punning Dynasty grows stronger...dangerous even. A family based, Mafia-style Punning war is likely to ensue with the Ferbrache's.  

....so there we have it; a brief insight into some of the new members to our Punning community. From my perspective it is a genuine pleasure to watch a new Punner take their first tentative steps on the Punning Path. It then pleases me even more to see them developing into tenacious, competent Punners just a few weeks later.

There exists a turning point in every Punners career where they find that their Desire to Pun has furtively transformed into a Need to Pun. It is a beautiful place to be; a warm, embracing addiction like no other - a joyous and liberating disease unknown by science and feared by society. I'm certain that many of this week's debutants are beginning to feel it taking hold.

Until next time Punners!

The Pun-Off results - 06.01.12

Categories - Popular song titles & Clothing (Garments and brands)

Oh my Lordy, it was an absolute monster of a Pun-Off today! A record slapping 293 entries and comments at the close of play. The categories seemed to appeal to the most seasoned Punnist as well as those Punners firmly within the "emerging" bracket. The number of debutants this week was very promising and as a result they will all feature in the next instalment of The Pundamentals: Essays and reflections on Punning.

It has been almost impossible to decide the winners this week, the short-short list alone was 15 puns long. I know there will be some disappointment from those that aren't placed or mentioned and for this I am sorry. Everyone here at Punning House (me) is overwhelmed - in a good way - by the increase in quantity and quality of Puns.

And so to THE RESULTS!!

...In 3RD PLACE it gives me great pleasure to present:

Cravats the way I like it - Jonn Dean

Brilliant effort here from the newcomer; in fact, if the major Cravat manufacturers wanted a slogan for a come-back campaign they'd be hard pushed to find something better. This week I favoured Puns that could be sung with as much ease as their unaltered (some might say inferior) counterparts. Give Jonn's effort a little sing  to yourself and you'll really be able appreciate it's rhythm and syllabic integrity. It also mentions cravats. End of.

Without his Cravat, Clark Gable
is just another shit man

In 2nd Place...I'm in no doubt that this week's 2nd placed Punner will be delighted with his placing.

Tights in white satin - Gavin Griffiths

Griffiths has been hungry for recognition but until today was probably getting somewhat ahead of himself. I think he's probably had a good look in the mirror (a picture of Alan Mitchell stuck next to it) and told himself "Come on Gav...get in the God-damn game". Griffiths scores points here for similarity in the first instance and originality in the second. Can he maintain his form in the currently strong rookie-rich environment.

And in 1st Place with an overwhelmingly brilliant effort that game from nowhere...

Jumperround - Will Halsey

It's a clean Pun, it's a Pun of startling brevity, it's a Pun of almost unrivalled simplicity and it's a Pun that made me snort and shudder like a pig on a speeding moped. The great thing about Halsey's winning effort is that about an hour earlier he appears to have completely misunderstood the rules and threw in a Pun that made absolutely no sense what-so-ever. Then, to make matters worse, about an hour after the Pun-Off had finished he entered another Pun...and it was a repeat!!

How such Punning brilliance game out of such a poor overall performance is beyond me. Halsey is clearly some sort of Punning Savant; a Rain Man-esque figure shuffling around the Pun-Off with a bewildered expression  and a high waist band...until the moment he almost unintentionally mumbles out one of the great Puns of recent times.

It was also well liked with 7 "Likes" - Well done Will. Go back to bed until next week.

And so...to PEOPLE'S CHAMPION...

Now, technically the most "Liked" Pun was one of my efforts - Tie will always Glove Shoe - but I am disqualifying myself on a technicality. I thought of today's categories on Wednesday and came up with this on Wednesday night - I don't think it's fair that I get two days extra thinking time on everyone else. I threw it in because I thought it was funny and I never expected to win with 14 "Likes". I'm still very honoured that it was well liked but it simply wouldn't be fair. After all, Punning is a game of quick wits, not preparation.

So...this week PEOPLE'S CHAMPION is....

Sweet Jeans (are made of fleece, shoe am I to dungaree) - Edmund McCartney

It's big, it's bold, it's brassy. It's typical McCartney. Edmund's ostentatious approach has seen him disqualified in the past and he's bordering on an infringement here by embellishing the song title over into it's lyrics - are made of fleece - yes....shoe am I to Dungaree - no!

However, common sense prevailed and I decided that, on balance, Edmund was being neither provocative or deliberately obtuse. It's a strong effort though and worthy of an award. McCartney's apparent depth of knowledge appears to be both his Strong-arm and his Achilles heal...one day it's going to go very well, or very badly for the East Anglian Punning powerhouse.

Honourable mentions

Sandal in the Wind - Joanna Ferbrache

A debut effort from my eldest sister. She's obviously from an outstanding pedigree but can she maintain her consistency in an ever changing world.

Kilting me softly - Ben McBrown

This was a popular Pun and was one of the few efforts to venture into the cultural specific garment realm. Ben has been a regular Punner and recognition was never far away.

I'm in the snood for Dancing - Alan Mitchell

Not as on form as he usually is and instead of the typical 3-5 potential winning Puns he offered just one this week. The snood was crying out to be used and Mitchell used it first and best.

Your thong - Stephanie Jane Sweenie

Another debut effort from a debutant who's worked her way up through the Academy System (more of this next week). Very strong effort - one to watch.

Fat bell-bottomed girls - Marilyn Stephens

My mum's best effort thus far that certainly reveals plenty about her "Vintage". Bell bottoms and Queen - as 70s as it gets. 

Money's too tight to Men's shoe - Rich Dinham

Dinham dynasty of Punners.

I be - levi can fly - Paul Parry

Using the largely ignored brands motif here we can see that Parry has just managed to squeeze out a coherent Pun. He is mentioned for his effort and bravery.

Bohemian Wrap-sari - Katie Everson

Yet another brilliant debut effort! Everson looks to be equipped with the full range of Punning skills - established Pun-off regulars will no doubt look on in fear.

Sari seems to be the hardest word - Tim Evans

Tim "The Stalking Horse" Evans has established himself as a strong late Punner but this one was thrown in mid-afternoon - it's unlike him. It was excellent and was the best of the Sari based Puns. T'Evans will no doubt be cognisant of the emerging talent sprouting all around.

It's Uni-Qlonly Sock & Parisol (Bow Tie Like it) - Andy Watts

It's Puns like this that give Puns bad name.

Debuts:

The sheer strength and volume of debutants this week means they will be featuring in a The Pundamentals essay next week. Watch out for that one...

Leon Cave, Chris Wain (from last week), Stephanie Jane Sweeny, Rich Dinham, Joanna Ferbrache, Dave Shipley, Katie Everson, Rheymayo Brooks, Warren J. Williams, Elanor Westfold.

A great start to 2012....please share the link with those you feel are Pro-Puns and watch out for The Pundamentals next week.

Have a great weekend Punners and if the winners would like to make a little comment speech on the Facebook link I'm sure everyone would appreciate it.

Picture Puns: Walken in a Winter Wonderland!!!

I would like to say a big thank you to The Pun-Off regular James Hitchmough for this awesome festive Picture Pun:

Walken in a Winter Wonderland!



James "The Brawn mower" Hitchmough actually meant to send this before Christmas, but forgot or was busy...or something.

Anyway, it is a beaut! Thanks James!

If you'd like your Picture Pun featured on The Pun-Off simply compose it and post it on my Facebook Wall (Steve Ferbrache). Original work only please.

The Pun-Off Results - 30.12.11

Categories: Footballers & Television Programmes

With the apology out of the way we can get down to the proper business of announcing the winners of 2011’s final and arguably best Pun-Off. Punners being off work certainly helped participation but I also think that previous Pun-off spectators finally grew in confidence and decided to throw in a debut effort or five. More of these later.

The quality and quantity of Puns was huge this week – 237 entries and comments –  this is a massive amount considering this was a Post-Bissian game. We had 243 comments in one of the early Pun-offs but this was before The Biss Clause was conceived and put into effect. Robust, plentiful Punning times.

So, here we go....

In 3^rd place....I am very proud to announce a debutant effort from an active spectator:

Evra Decreasing Circles – Melissa Wharton

If you look back at the Pun-Off you’ll see that Wharton wrote this and immediately lost confidence and sheepishly said something like: “Sorry if this entry is poop...it’s my first go”. Oh, how wrong she was and besides; I’m a big fan of unassuming Punning. This Pun made me chortle merrily and demonstrates yet again the classic Punning skill of keeping the Pun as similar to the original as possible. Wharton’s rise to Punning prominence suggests great things to come and I hope that she continues with her dedication to wordplay. One to watch.

In 2^nd place....with another debut entry devised while driving and delivered via his wife:

Mario Balo-Telli Addicts – Tim Arber

I really liked this one and it was the one who made my mum laugh the most - this goes a long way. On first view it's a little difficult to read (something I don't usually like) but once you're familiar with it it has clarity, complexity, and a swift, mirthy finish. Arber is also a debutant but his wife Nicola is a well known, some might say "notorious" Punner who is rumoured to have coached Tim Arber to Punning success - she is the Mr. Miyagi to his Daniel-San.

Nicola Arber





And in 1st Place....he's a key cog in the Pun-Off machine and this almost made me choke on the bacon butty my Mum had just lovingly prepared and delivered.

Fash in the Attic - Sam Biss

I know that using the shortened version of John Fashanu's name wasn't officially sanctioned but I applaud Biss for taking the risk and using one of his precious five entries. It wins because it's a perfect combination and is again very similar to the original. It also conjures an amazing image of the  lofty striker hunched in the corner of my roof space; perhaps in a tattered Wimbledon kit and surrounded by frayed and fire damaged pictures of him from when he was on Gladiators. "Steve, What's that noise?"...."Oh that, that's Fash in the Attic". Perfect.



The writing on his Shirt in not a sponsor;
It's a description.

Well done Sam.

And so, to PEOPLE'S CHAMPION....

America's next top Waddle - Alan Mitchell

There now exists very few superlatives to describe the Punning power of Alan Mitchell. He's a man at the top of his game and this effort demonstrates why. This received a record equalling 16 "Likes" and is a clever, funny and beautifully composed Pun. Mitchell has struck a rich vein of form.

Honourable mentions:

Molby City & My Le Saux called life - Frankie Maloney

Great stuff here from new comer Maloney; one to watch for sure.

Gok Wan's Fashanu fix - Rebecca Parry
Parry moaned a bit about the Pun-Off being boys biased and then came up with this...11 "Likes" - case closed.

Through the Keown - Lawerence Williams
Speaks for it's self really - clever and swift from one of the Pun-Off's elder statesmen

Home and aWayne Rooney - Clare Metcalf
A debutant last week, a proven contender this week. A promising rookie.

Pele your Cards Wright - Laura Dinham
Mrs. Pun-Off proves her pedigree. Strong, popular work.

Thierry Bikers - Matt Addison
He competes frequently and has a strong mid-game - keep your eye on him around 1.30pm when he really starts to motor.

Absolutley Fabregas - James "The Bulb" Watts
There were calls for this to be placed - and it nearly did - Watts is clearly dangerous.

Zinedine ZiDancing on Ice - Paul Parry
Parry reported that he thought of this while on the toilet and quickly pulled up his trousers (with only a rudimentary wiping) and waddled through to the bedroom to get this one down before anyone else thought of it. Punning mid-poo - that's committment.

Only Raul's and Lawes' - Gavin Griffiths 
Griffiths was apparently in the middle of decorating his new babies bedroom when he became engrossed in the Pun-Off - 4 hours later the room was left unfinished, with wall paper hanging off the wall and the paste crusty and unused. The distracting power of the Pun-Off strikes again.

PUN-OFF PLEASINGS

Debuts this week from Janine Ferbrache (very proud), Gavin Griffiths, Melissa Wharton (Winner), Alex Jones and Gemma Hughes. A very big welcome to you all!!! If I've missed anyone please let me know and I'll give you the recognition you deserve.

And finally.....

IS THE PUN-OFF EFFECTING YOUR SEX LIFE?

A prominent husband and wife overseas Punning team reported to me that they had retired to bed after a night out with the clear understanding that they would be embarking on a voyage of sexual exploration. However, one of them appears to have made the mistake of checking their phone before proceedings began - needless to say, 45 minutes later they were still throwing Puns into the mix. I can only presume that intercourse had dropped down the list of priorities and that the desire to Pun had taken over. Oh dear.  

The Pun-Off was not designed to retard motions of an intimate nature but perhaps I should be heartened - after all; this might demonstrate the extent to which people enjoy the Pun-Off?

Have you a similar experience? Or perhaps you have a story of a time when Punning has taken priority oversome else in your life - so far it's been Sex, a poo and some essential DIY. Please do share your story by Private messaging me on Facebook.

Until next time Punners........