Results - 22.06.12

Categories: Musicians & school/anything to do with education

Mark Lawrenson is the commentary equivalent of a value sized bag of jizzed-on spinach. His insight into the complex kickery of a football match may be highly accurate, I wouldn't know, but his delivery is so miserable that I would rather slowly dissect my renal system with a wooden comb than listen to two hours of his monotone vocal pissing. I tuned into yesterday's International Sports-Ball because I thought I might find myself immersed in some drama and excitement. Instead I found myself watching a game of football being commentated upon with the same level of passion that a cow might invest into a blow-by-blow account of it's own slaughter.

Tom Selleck:
heroin is bad

I don't think many people watching yesterday's match realistically expected much from England's best eleven players. However, I would have liked - just to make things interesting - for the commentary team to have created a false sense of expectation and to have been disgustingly partisan. No such luck. Guy Mowbrary (who sounds like a super-hero style mascot for the pork pie industry) and Mark "The Tom Selleck of Lancashire" Lawrenson spent the whole game declaring that nothing would 'come easily because this was, after all, England we're talking about". However refreshing it might be to finally harbour accurate expectations about English football I found myself preferring the old way: assuming that England are the best footballing team since Real Kick-Sports United FC. English sports fans seem to cope better with shattered dreams than they do with no dreams at all.

It will be a sad indictment for the nation when it wakes up and collectively realises that the one sporting field that remains buoyant and international dominant in is Punning. The Pun-off has been simply wonderful of late - inspiring, hilarious and heart warming. Like Alan Shearer.

In 3rd Place...behold! I sense that we're seeing a danger man develop here:

Examy Davis Jnr - Jack Richard Blakelock Kirby

JRBK delivers a water tight Pun: the modest frontal extension paves the way for a surprising and witty finish. This Pun suggests a methodical approach from Jack. Davis Junior isn't likely to spring to mind immediately and is more likely to have been searched for once 'Exam' had been decided upon as the foundation. I've no qualms to this approach; it implies that Kirby takes his Punning seriously and that he wants his reputation as one of this seasons success stories to be taken seriously as well.

"I DARE you to
be cooler than me"

In 2nd place...she's been top-toeing quietly in the Punning wilderness for a few weeks. But she's back:

SATs Domino - Laura Roberts

Laura's dominant form in early spring faltered as April ended but as predicted she wasn't out of contention for long. The marriage between Syllabic integrity and humour is the very essence of Punning but Roberts' strength is that she isn't afraid to do the basics well. Well done Laura and welcome back!

And in 1st Place...he doesn't place as often as I thought he might. However, I giggled like a tickled toddler when I read this one:

2:2 Pac - Paul Goodman

For such a concise Pun it delivers exceptional value. It falls comfortably into the "Concept Pun" category but stays on the right side of pretentiousness. Goodman has a sharp comic mind and is also blessed with a delightfully funny face. I once even laughed at the back of his head. This Pun won't be for everyone but for me it demonstrates the shear variety of approaches available to Punners - the Concept Pun, the Syllabic match, The Meta-Pun and The Themed Biss to name but a few. Well done Paul...shake your own hand.

And now to PEOPLE'S CHAMPION...

We've not seen a Pun like this before. It's a high concept, meta-Pun so rich and complex that it almost defies description.

Billy - 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939
9375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117
0679 82148086513823066470938446095505823172535940812
8481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964
4288109756659334461284756482337867831652712019091456
4856692346034861045432664821339360726024914127372458
7006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892593
60011330530548820466521384146951941511609 - per

Graham Denham

As soon as I saw this one go down I knew it would win this week's ultimate prize. I had an immediate sense that the Pun-Off community would appreciate a Pun so ambitious and a delivery so confident. With 17 "Likes" I'm pleased to award Graham Denham this week's People's Champion award. It's a baffling entry - and I love it.

Honourable Mentions

I've got time for a just a few this weeek:

Ofsted Nugent - John Talbot

My favourite of the Ofsted Puns

Histori Amos - Martin Hall

Typical skill from Hall  - good category mining here.

Mark-King - Nixy Nixipedia

Nixy needed to explain this one as not many people will know about Level 42's notorious slap-bassist. Had we been playing with the staff writing team of Mojo this would have won.

Pi-Mon Le Bon - Paul Parry

Clearly over shadowed by Denham's entry but I'm please Pi featured elsewhere.

Debuts

Rosie Green

I suspect Roise may have played before but I didn't want to risk it. So welcome! An energetic debut.

Jasper Waller-Bridge - I particularly enjoyed his "Grades Jones" effort. Welcome Jasper.

Thank you all for a great week and for all your very useful and interesting feedback concerning the future of The Pun-Off. We are moving house next Friday so I'm not entirely sure if I'll be able to run the Pun-Off. If anyone would like to take over judging and results writing duties I'd be most appreciative.

Also, watch out in the week for an awesome guest blog by The Pun-Off's most inconsistent Punner - Rich Dinham.