Results - 15.06.12

Categories: Television Programs & Things you'd find at a wedding

In a drawer in the bedroom of my flat, inside a toy First-Aid box, next to a fuel-less Zippo lighter and my father's wedding ring is a Polaroid picture of what I believe to be Angus Deayton in bed with a young woman. They are spooning one another, with Deayton in the familiar rear position resting his considerable chin on the right shoulder of a smiling, curly haired twenty-something. One imagines that the arm that rests awkwardly at his side does so because it has just been hastily withdrawn from pressing the timer switch on the camera. The light is low, the blankets beige and the mood affectionate. Deayton's face is ruddy enough to imply congress has recently shuddered to an end and his companion's expression reveals accurately measured expectation. 

I found the Polaroid on the corner of Kingly Street in London's Soho in early 2004. It blew past me as I strolled, as drunk as a Christmas uncle, to catch my bus home at four in the afternoon. Those were the days. I put it in a drawer and mostly forgot about it until Friday when I saw Jonn Dean's "Have I got Pews for You" entry. I'm not entirely sure what to do with the picture. The man may not even be Angus Deayton but it looks as much like him as is possible without it actually being him. My heart tells me to keep the picture safe and just bring it out at parties - as I've been known to do. I'm sure that in the future it'll provide me with  suitable opportunities to hold court and for a moment reinforce my self-generated reputation as a world-weary raconteur.

It was a wonderful week of Puns. The task of judging has never been so hard but as usual, I have endeavoured. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to appreciate Puns:

In 3rd Place....the categories don't always suit his style but this week he had a strong performance and delivered the goods:

Total Wifeout - Thomas Adams

With it's syllabic integrity, minimal alteration and amusing imagery, Adams' Pun claims a well deserved third place. Perhaps Total Wifeout has potential as a concept. Husbands could stand nearby and scream unrealistic suggestions at their reluctant wives as they get wet and thrown off things.

In 2nd place...he's a relative newcomer and recently expressed that The Pun-Off is all he lives for. I'm pleased then this entry tickled my fancy so vigorously:

Confetti Wainthrop investigates - David Whitehouse

Thinking about it - I don't think David actually said the Pun-Off is ALL that he lives for. Perhaps it's just something that enhances his already quite enjoyable life. That's my hope anyway - the pressure would be too much for me to bare. Anyway - Hetty Wainthropp Investigates was a detective show starring that old bird from Keeping Up Appearances. As a result, Patricia Routledge is essentially responsible for my understanding of the British class system. This Pun is as tight as a Duck's ass going down a water slide (Thank you Blake Mills). It also show cases David's strong knowledge base  - something we've realised is almost as important as a linguistically flexible mind.



Jazz Hands!!












And in 1st place...the quality of this Pun was reinforced in the Pub on Sunday when a few of my friends told me it was their favourite too:

Registrars in their eyes - Ray Freeplumber Neal

Ray's entry is as witty as it is technically brilliant. He's a relative new comer to the Pun-Off but he's been going the distance and demonstrating his ample capability in the Punning arena. Stars in their eyes brings to mind such wonderful nostalgia that it's difficult not to like this Pun purely because it mentions the show. I watched it every week for about 3 years in the mid-90's waiting patiently for someone to do Bob Dylan. Then someone did and it was crap. I didn't meet many girls.  I'm confident that this winning entry will signify a run of form for Ray. Well done to you!



Matthew Kelly:
Visiting his career



And so....to People's Champion!! Ladies and Gentlemen..he's back in the game!!

Pimp my bride - Alan Mitchell

Mitchell seemed to have descended into a Punning darkness - the kind of bleak nether-world of frustration and dead-ended thought that only a savage bout of Punner's Block can bring about. Don't get me wrong - his efforts have continued to be decent but just not as strong as we'd come to expect from one of the greats. He's a bit like Woody Allen in that respect - strong early work, a difficult middle period and a then a resurgence, all the while remaining engaged with his fan base with glimpses of genius. This is of course all open to debate. Well done Alan - you're back! With 18 "Likes" Alan is this week's Champion Du People (as they say in France - I presume). 

There was plenty worth a mention, too many really, so I've had to just sneak-a-peek at a few of my favourites: 

Buffet the vampire Slayer - Gareth Yardley

This was popular and frequently repeated. However, I've heard it before and as you know I'm trying to steer clear of Buffets. Good work though Gareth.

Strictly come dad Dancing - Jacob Robert Harris

My impending Fatherhood has many benefits - the main one? Justification for my astonishingly bad dancing. Thank you Jacob for this reminder and this lovely Pun.

How clean is your spouse? - Mat Barnett

Another very popular effort (15 likes) - could have competed for People's Champion. Pipped at the post.

Law and Hor'dOeuvres - Sophie Galpin

Galphin delivers yet again. She's dangerous - but in an 'Ice skating' kind of way...fun at the same time.

Debuts

Just the one this week I think:

Sally Richards - Welcome to Punning Sally! I hope it wasn't a flash in the pan and that we'll see more in the future. A good start.

Thank you all for your wonderful efforts - everyone seemed to respond very well to the categories. Except Rich Dinham - who was rubbish and is the first to achieve what is potentially one of the greatest Punning indignities: 5 entries and not a single like between them. He blames the whole thing on a hangover of course. See you then.

Honourable Mentions