Results - 30.03.12

Categories: Movies & Shops

Punners - If I could seek out each of you, kneel at your feet, clasp my hands and whisper "Thank-you" then I would. You delivered what was undoubtedly one of the best Pun-Offs of all time. The standard was so high that I was concerned the Puns might become self aware and start to make autonomous decisions of their own. I did literally no work on Friday - I didn't even open my work emails - I just sank into my chair, listened to The Shins and drank Yorkshire Tea until 3.58pm. I then left early without even bothering to make up an excuse: "I've had enough, I'm off, laters." I said. My boss didn't even bat an eye-lid - hide in plain sight, that's my philosophy. I once told a former boss that I needed to leave early because my pet raccoon had contracted hepatitis from a dirty needle. She looked up and me, sucked in a long breath through her teeth and said: "Ouch, good luck with that, see you Monday". What I'm alluding to here is that I wish I could make a full-time job out of this, or at least earn enough to rear my young without having to work as an English speaking front for a Nigerian crime gang again (that's a story for another time).

It's taken me a few days to get a short list together and seeing as how I've got the week off I thought I'd take my time and give this week the attention it deserves. It was so tough choosing a top three, especially in light of a certain Laura Roberts dominating the board with her unrivalled consistency. More of that Punning machine later.

In 3rd place...he's got a proven track record and has yet again delivered perfectly here:

H & Mpire Strikes Back - Frankie Moloney

I want to kiss Moloney's face. Nothing sinister, just as an expression of thanks for delivering such a well composed Star Wars Pun. This was a very popular entry and it's easy to see why - it's quite cunning really, like Lando, the sneaky little intergalactic sausage. Moloney is up there with the best competitors now and he doesn't compromise at any point - it's quality or nothing. Good attitude.

Lando Calrissian...
is cooler than you

 

We've another powerful unit occupying 2nd place...

Spar Face - Kyle Avery

This is a great example of the old one-letter change device that's propelled many a pun to the leader board. Punning House doesn't now a great deal about Avery, perhaps this is the way he likes it, but I did hear a rumour that his Dad invented the spade. I'm checking my sources. This Pun is here because it's so effective and simply composed - it showcases the very foundations that this institution is built upon - quality, integrity, humility.

When I read this week's 1st Place Pun I actually shouted "F*cking Yes!" in the office. Fortunately my colleague was listing to Christian Rock at the time and didn't hear:

I know what you did Ann Summers - Chrimpo Mcr

The mysteriously named Chrimpo Mcr, or "The Chrimp" to his pals, has imaginatively mined the categories to compose a Pun of pure beauty. I'm so grateful to him. The flow of the original title isn't compromised, and the pay off at the end is worth the wait. Chrimpo has been a high profile Punner in recent months and has finally pushed on to get the recognition he deserves - I wander how he'll respond to this week's victory? I hope he continues to deliver the goods.

The week's People's Champion is a Champion is every sense. The form she exhibited this week hasn't been seen on this scale before. Every Pun was a potential winner but the one that claimed the top prize was:

Stuart Lidl - Laura Roberts

A massive 19 "Likes" sneaked this above the rest of the field. There were several entries with more than the usual 16 "Likes". Amazingly, this was the very first Pun of the day - we haven't seen that before. Normally, the quality really comes alive during lunch and the majority of People's Champions compose winning Puns with sandwiches in hand. Laura's form was magnificent, just look at her other entries:

The Bon Marche of The Penguins - Laura Roberts

The Londis goodnight - Laura Roberts

The Hitch-ikeas guide to the galaxy - Laura Roberts

I sincerely hope that this week's form isn't a flash in the pan. We know that Roberts has talent, we know she has desire, we know she's got what it takes to be the best. But, has she got the mental strength to take on the plaudits without going mad with power. We'll see. Brilliant performance Laura - spread word of your excellence, show little or now mercy during your boastful, air punching celebrations. You deserve it.

Debuts

Just a couple of debuts this week...

Seth McCullen - Just one entry from our American friend. I hope to see more of him soon.

NiXy NiXipedia - Unfathomable name but quite fathomable Puns - could be a contender.

There were so many amazing Puns this week that I'll need to do a separate honourable mentions blog later in the week. Watch this space.

Thanks again to everyone that contributed to one of the greatest Pun-Offs in history. It would be unreasonable to expect such quality every week but when it happens it reminds why I embarked on this journey....I am in your debt.