Results - 04.05.2012

Categories: British actors & Sports/Games

I just realised that for the last five minutes I've been staring at the screen, wondering what to write, just like Richard Dreyfuss does at the end of Stand By Me - open mouthed, hands hovering, just before his fat, persistent son drags him away to go swimming or something. I'll tell you what: if I'd just completed a bitter-sweet retrospective of my childhood - one in which my brother dies in a car wreck and my best friend gets stabbed in the throat - and my son was mithering me like that I'd grab the beach towel from his doughy, little fingers and flick him on the arse with it. Little shit. 

If you've not seen Stand By Me I think it's best I don't apologise for the useless movie reference and instead extend to you my deepest sympathy. If you watch it now, no doubt as a partially realised adult with your relationships, responsibilities, robust shoes and pubic hair - then you just won't get it. It's best appreciated from an angle of 30 degrees with a choc-ice in your mouth and, more crucially, without the crushing burden of adult-type expectations on your shoulders. I last watched it about two years ago and it only served to remind me that my pre-teen years mostly involved tracking down soiled, earthy smelling segments of pornography and inhaling vast amounts of Lnyx Africa through a soiled, earthy smelling football sock. Reader's Wives and solvent abuse; truly golden times. No shoe-less corpses though so...every cloud.

This of course brings me seamlessly to this week's results. This week's competition was notable for two reasons. Firstly, the quantity of quality Puns on show and the significant number of debut Punners. We love a debutant here at Punning House, we really do. So, to the results...

 In 3rd Place this week...he's a renowned wordsmith and gets on the winners board so frequently that rumours of bribery will no doubt be circling:

Sardines Gaffney - Martin Hall

Sardines is an overly elaborate form of Hide-and-seek and Dean Gaffney is an actor best known for looking like a whittled down stick. The two are married here is a delightful Pun that is rich in its complexity and admirable in its simplicity. Like many Puns before it has also sparked my sensitive sense of nostalgia; not because of the child hood game but because as a kid there used to be a female (yes, female) shop assistant in my local Spar that looked exactly like Dean Gaffney. She was nice though, to be fair. Well done Martin, you Punned well and you also don't look like Dean Gaffney...I presume. We've not met. If you do, I'm sorry. 

"Gaffternoon madam!"

In 2nd Place with a Pun that came close to winning People's Champion...

Guess Hugh Laurie - Graeme Denham

Don't confuse this week's 2nd place winner with the renowned Punner (and frequent winner) Graeme Smith. Oh no, Mr. Denham is a unique and special Graeme of his very own. Is he in fact the "Next Graeme Smith" as people are saying? I don't know, it's too early to tell. But, what I can tell you is that Graeme Denham Cconceived an excellent Pun, Believed in himself enough to enter it and Acheived a second place. "Conceive-Believe-Achieve" - a new Pun-Off motto perhaps. Well in GD, you deserve it.

And in 1st Place with a Pun on a deceptively British Actor and a deceptively enjoyable game...

Whistian Bale - Darren Palmer

Darren had an explosive week - just have a look at his other entries:

Peter Kabbadi

Tennis Waterman

Charade Edmonson

Darren's winning Pun has the syllabic integrity, creativity and delivery of a classic winning Pun. I thoroughly enjoyed his work this week; well done Darren!

And now...to People's Champion!!!

Buckarupert Everett - Jonn Dean

With an impressive 13 "Likes" Jonn Dean wins another Punning accolade - I don't know exactly how many times Jonn has featured on the Winners Board but I'd say with confidence that it's somewhere between "Numerous" and "A fair bit". His Puns generally speak for themselves but what I will say about this one is that while the opening extension of Rupert makes the Pun a little cumbersome it isn't any more cumbersome or disruptive to one's reading experience and overall enjoyment as this sentence so credit is due you'll no doubt agree.

Several Honourable mentions this week but I'm sorry that I couldn't fit many more in:

Dame Thora Hurdles - Neil Buchannan

Punning by proxy never felt so good. The Buche delivers as always.

Daniel Sports Day Lewis - Jonathan Foster

He's a newer Punner but this belies his experience; a wonderful concept piece

Pete Puzzlethwaite - Steve Bentham

The opening Pun of the day was a beaut from Bentham the grizzled campaigner.

Jane Horocks, Paper, Scissors - Zoe Wood

Wood showing her class as always. It's high concept but completely beguiling.

Rowin' Atkinson - Chris Walmsley

A very popular and much repeated Pun..with good reason. Dr. Walmsley got there first

Lacrosse Kemp - Suzanne Blackledge

Almost snuck People's Champion. I expect big things from the plucky rookie

Debuts

So many this week! It's truley great to have you all involved; as strong a field of debutants as I've seen.

Martyn Norman - Enjoyed one of his entries immensely - "Peter Surf-inowicz".

Vicky Ashman - Kept her head down and did the business on her first outing. As she grows in confidence I think we'll see some accolades.

Jon Dinham - Long time spectator, first time Punner. The Dinham Punning Dynasty is now complete.

Georgina Wright - an eager, boyaunt performance. Well rounded Puns from start to finish. 

Matt Fleming - Chortled at "Games McAvoy" and enjoyed his work throughout.

Shane Mageean - A creative new Punner; "Davina McCall of Duty" is Exhibit A.

Gary Brown - His "Liz Hurdley" showed promise; one to watch? Let's see.

Jack RB Kirby - "Mahjong Hurt" shows depth of knowledge and self belief. Has definate potential.

Beth Racazzolo - Enthusiasm and determination; two key Punning skills. Her "Tamzin Outhweight-lifting" was the right side of complex.

Caroline Glover - A few false starts thanks to pesky repeats but came through in the end.

Sophie Galphin - Two initial repeats and then a belter - "Gymmy Nail". Reported that she was having a lovely time which warms the heart.

Alexander Matthews - Just the two entries and both repeats. Let's rally round and get him back in the game. We believe in you Matthew...we believe!

Another brilliant week of wordplay! Thank you to you all for attacking the challenge with fervour and sportmanship. See you next week and if you feel like sharing the link to this blog it would make me "thumbs up" at you from across the web-o-net. Ta.