Results - 11.05.12

Categories: Musicians & Emotional states

I knew this week was going to be massive. I could feel in the tips of my teeth that selecting such robust categories meant choosing a winner's board would be a proper mission. Sometimes I settle on my favourite Pun O'The Day and imagine a small crowd of faces glaring at me, their eye-brows cocked in a deliberate expression of incredulity, as if to say: "What? That one was your favourite Pun? Really? REALLY?!"

However, I quickly realise that you lovely lot extend to me a great deal of good will and perhaps even assume that somewhere beneath the verbosity there's a highly technical eye appraising each Pun as a jeweller might inspect a diamond. It's simply not the case. Generally, which ever Pun overrides my ability to conceal my laughter in the office is in for a winners-spot. The thing is, I wasn't in my office yesterday - I spent most of the morning in the waiting room of Queen Charlottle's Maternity Hospital reading every entry out loud to Mrs. Pun-off. We got some strange looks  but we gallantly rode the wave of suspicion and weaved our way from Mid-wife, to Doctor, to plebotomist, to ECG Technician and back to the Mid-Wife chuckling at and approving Puns along the way. We discussed the recent growth of the Pun-Off and how miraculous it is that it functions so well with so few rules. As we wondered back to take our place at a now Hillsborough like Maternity waiting room Mrs. Pun-Off remarked that she was hugely impressed by how organised and efficient the whole thing was. Then I realised she was talking about the NHS. "Oh yeah, fair dos" I said...barely hiding my disappointment.

So, here are the winners this week based purely on their ability to make me chortle. I love a chortle me.

In 3rd Place...he's been Punning so hard recently that I was concerned he was going to rupture something:

Appauled Simon - Steve Bentham

Perhaps my relentless idle-worship of Paul Simon played a part here, perhaps not. But, what is certain is that this Pun is technically strong and highly amusing. What I like most about Steve's Pun is the possibility of there being a tribute act named as such; one that sings Paul Simon songs but with a look of permanent disgust on his face.

As an aside, it has occurred to me that Paul Simon actually has the permanent expression of a recently surfaced turtle. How he ever managed to marry Princess Leia is completely beyond me. He wrote Graceland, Hearts and Bones and You can call me Al about her - although the first two are about their divorce and the other one is about their descent into alcholism. He's clearly some sort of wizard; a Turtle-wizard.


"At least I don't
look like Garfunkel"

















Anyway, further congratulations go Bentham's way for suggesting one of the categories to me. Just so you know folks, I'll take suggestions for categories  but never use both together - that way I can be sure you haven't already thought of a killer Pun and are trying to engineer a victory. Corruption isn't an issue at Punning House but I must remain ever vigilant.

In 2nd Place...it's only her second ever Pun-Off but as predicted she's shown her Punning ability aggressively:

Paul Meh-Cartney - Beth Ravazzolo

Ravazzolo, along with Pun-Off titan Melissa Wharton, hails from the Punning stronghold of Chester. Against the large and talented London, Manchester and Bristol contingents Chester punches well above it's weight at Pun-time. Beth was recommended to the Pun-Off on the grounds that she has natural ability and an insatiable desire to play with words. This entry proves that assertion, it's high-concept but low maintenance...a truly rare combination. Excellent work so early in her career. Well done Beth!

And in 1st Place...I will make no apologies for this. His Pun made me giggle like a right twat: 

Philosophical Collins - Alex Jones

It's bang-on the categories with a dazzling blend of silliness, invention and imagery. Jones is quite a talented young wordsmith but hasn't risen to glory as often as some of his contemporaries. I can imagine a sneering NME writer considering "Philosophical Collins" as a headline for a frivolous, tokenistic review of Collins' 1989 "But Seriously...". But, I can equally imagine Collins considering it as a title for the album. Collins is actually a bit of a secret bad-ass. Once, after a month long drink and drugs binge with legendary imbiber John Martyn, Collins divorced his wide...via Fax. But seriously (fnar, fnar!), back to Alex Jones. I laughed for a good three minutes. Thank you my friend. 

And now...to the award for People's Champion...

Jack Richard Blakelock Kirby -  Mick Couldn't Give a Fucknall

With a very robust 15 "Likes" Kirby snuck ahead of the field to claim the greatest week-long prize in Punning. Like Ravazollo it was only JRBK's second outing and he had a strong all-round game. Perhaps Jack's freshness might lead him to underestimate the weight of the occasion - many a Punner has tormented and tortured themselves in the pursuit of this ephemeral glory. I trust he will value this glorious moment. Many congratulations Jack - keep up the good work!

Honourable mentions

I've had to be quite selective with the Honourables this week thanks to the sheer volume of entrys - 320 altogether AND very few repeats. Thank you for your vigilance with that by the way.

Engleburt Got the Humperdink - James Mochan

High concept and big impact from Mochan - continues to perform.

Aloofus Wainwright - Thomas Adams

When not overshadowed by the mysterious Neil "Buche" Buchannan, Adams is quite a talent. Perhaps relinquishing his duties as Buche's Proxy-Punner Adams can raise his game more frequently. Is he being held back? Thomas is notoriously loyal though and word on the street is that Buchannan drives a hard bargain.

Mopy - Jon Fawbert

Short, simple, direct. Anti-concept, Pro-fun!

Liza "Left Out" Lopez - Sophie Galpin

Another new Punner from last week shows the enthusiasm and desire that makes the Pun-Off Great. Good concept, delivered with confidence.

Kriss Pissed-offerson - Jim Cattell

It's brilliant work from Cattell. Good depth of knowledge marks Jim out as one to keep an eye on.

Huff Dadday aka Peeved Diddy - Jonathan Foster

A rare and some might say risky double Pun from Foster. Sometimes it works, sometimes it undermines the Pun's impact. None of that here though, it's Win-Win for Jonathan. Or "Win-athan" to his friends.

George Forlornby - Mat Barnett (Debut)

An excellent Debut from Barnett - this almost snuck People's Champion! It's only a matter of time before he claims a prize. Mark my words!

Jenny Cawlwell - Mary J Obliging (Debut)
Just the two debuts this week in contrast to last week's Festival of the New. But, this shouldn't overshadow the fact they were both strong debuts indeed - Cawlwell could well be a contender in weeks to come.

It was a truly brilliant week of Punning - the presence of quality and quantity really helped this week stake it's claim as one of the great Pun-Offs. Thank you to you all for your continued support, delightful charm and Punsmanship. Discipline has been flawless of late and the reduction of repeats certainly made my Friday easier. See you next week!