The Pundamentals: How is The Pun-off judged?

Judging The Pun-off on a Friday afternoon has become quite a responsibility for me. It usually takes a savage and prolonged ordeal of some kind for me to experience conventional stress in any way but lately I've started to sense the familiar fizz of building pressure; the unhatched egg of anxiety has now begun to wobble gently in my palm. You can tell there is cause for concern here because I've started to use cloying, laboured metaphors - it's a key indicator of danger ahead.

Despite this, I feel that it's necessary to reassure you that I'm not stressed as yet; I've simply become aware of the possibility of stress. And so, I must destroy it before it gets a chance to destroy me! This has been a life long habit - when I was a child I brutally murdered the school's pet Stick Insect when I saw that it had escaped from its glass prison. I presumed the escape was part of a wider ploy to mutate some how and then consume us all. So I f*cked it up with my Gola trainers. When the Headmaster heard of this he apparently just sighed loudly and looked towards the heavens. The system works.

Running The Pun-Off is a unique pleasure but by 5pm on a Friday people's punning aspirations might either be realised or crushed according to my not entirely convincing judgement. This could get stressful as in principle I have the clearance to celebrate and embrace people's efforts like returning astronauts or dismissively wave them away like accidental, dinner table farts. 

Of course, The People's Champion Award seems to be the most sought after accolade; it is after all the will of the community and not according to the whim of a fickle wielder of judgement. By simply voting for the Puns you "Like" the most you are helping create something very special.

If a Pun makes me laugh immediately it will get added to the short-list for further consideration later on. My instinct to laugh is quite acute so you needn't worry too much; although this does cause me some issues in the office. On a Friday I'm forced to affect a highly excitable, almost demented demeanour to cover up my persistent corner chortles. In order to lay the foundations for this I impact the office early doors with a sweaty, post-cycle medley of song and follow-up with cheerful email salutations to one and all. People simply presume I'm looking really, really looking forward to the weekend. After this my poorly contained outbursts of mirth seem to be largely accepted. It's all about the ground work. 

Once I'm home later that day I'll examine the short-list in greater detail. If a Pun has stood the test of time and still makes me respond in some way then it makes the short-short list. From here it is mostly based on technical merit: the number of puns contained within a single entry and the general composition of the pun , that being: is it immediately recognisable and does it flow nicely? That's essentially it.

I do my best to be a fair and honest judge and I hope that people are satisfied with the way things have been going. I'm hoping that by judging honestly I will be raising the overall standard of Punning in the community and willing people to better themselves within the realm of wordplay. I believe in you.

As I've said before - as long as Punning is the winner I'm happy.