The Pun-Off results - 16.12.11

Category: Books & Comedians/Comic actors

An explosive start to today's Pun-Off! Within the first hour we had an unprecedented 50 or so entries. I'm going to account for this by assuming that people are in Friday mode and "Shit-yeah...it's Christmas!" mode. I say "Horaah!" to that!

And so....to the results!!!

In 3rd Place...it's a debut effort and it made me howl like a fingered chimp. The imagery created by the pun would probably make a more enjoyable book than the original:

Sid James and the Giant Peach - Thomas Adams

Sid James...deep within a large flying fruit. There are children and various talking animals. With boobs.

Tits! I'm a big fan.

In 2nd Place...the WH Smith in Rhyl has 3 books on sale:

1. How to get ahead in Smack - Colin "Dirt" Schofield
2. So you're a Seagull: What next? - Bruce Pyart
3. Playing Dominoes: how to win £4 every night - Tony Ferbrache

With this in mind it is a pleasure to announce that North Wales' own...

The Jack Dee Vinci Code - Natasha Jones

I figured someone would come up with this one and it was early, strong and delivered with confidence. Jones has been "there or there abouts" for a few weeks now and I'm pleased she's persisted through to glory. 

And in 1st Place....

Any Pun that brings Ken Dodd within the realm of atheist philosophy is  a winner in my book. Also, Christopher Hitchens died today and I feel the Punning world needs to honour him. Who is he? He could have God in a fight. Look him up.


The Ken Dodd Delusion  - Tim Evans


I believe that Tim Evans is performing at the highest level and is a deserved winner again...but I wonder whether other competitors might accuse me of siding with my mates. Tim and I have met 5 times - his birthday (I bought him some Chinese 5 spice), 2 Christmas Parties, a stag do and a wedding. In fact, I hate him because I suspect he's better at Punning than I am. Fuck You Tim.

Dodd:
He only uses French Tickle Sticks

This week's PEOPLE'S CHAMPION!!!

He was drawing for 2-3 hours with Mrs. Pun-Off (Laura Dinham) before someone came through and pushed him into the lead - with 7 "Likes" I give you our People's Champion:

To Harry Hill a Mocking Bird - Alan Mitchell

A truly outstanding entry from another solid member of the Punning community. I draw your attention to the easy "flow" of this pun; the way it rolls off your tongue, straight nto the punning world. I sense if Mitchell was involved in the Pun-Off LIVE he would show an unnerving confidence and competance - watch this space.

Honourable mentions

There were many, many Honourable mentions this week and I will add them next week. But, before I go....

I presume that many people will be going to their work Christmas do tonight. Therefore, I sincerly hope that the hangover of today's outstanding Pun-Off will appease the tragic and unnecessary sorrow of speaking to people from work in a social context.

As a member of the Friday Pun-off community I suggest you think of yourself in the following terms this evening:

You are a balanced and distinctive drunk; alert, witty of banter and tall of tale. You will work the room shrouded in a heady perfume of confidence. Everyone will clamour to take a cool, refreshing swim in "Lake You". You will expertly twist and twirl your manager's wife around the dancefloor; her lingering eyes will allude to a sticky desire for prolonged, untempered sin. 

At the end of the night people will question whether you've even been drinking at all, such is your poise and posture. Eventually, you will be persuaded to sit a while at the piano; and with your bow-tie hanging loose you will play and sing gentle Christmas carols with unassuming expertise. A woman will weep gently and clutch her chest; all the while trying to catch you eye. She does, and you wink. You are the last to leave but before you go you seek out and find the young Irish waitress sweeping the floor - you kiss her on the mouth and slowly whisper her a Merry Christmas. Your lingering touch on the cheek leaves the impression that your eyes and lips will meet again. She watches as you disappear into the snowy street; it has already been tomorrow for hours....

...then you'll head home and have an uncoordinated dawn-lit wank like everyone else.

Cheers Punners....until next time!!!