Results - 08/02/2013

Categories: Body parts & Countries

The classic thriller "The Fugitive" starring Harrison Ford did little to enhance the image of amputees in the public eye. In fact, it adhered to the persistent and unfair Hollywood habit of giving movie baddies disabilities and deformities. Whether its a hook, an eye-patch, some sort of facial scarring or a manic, sociopathic mental illness - movie baddies will invariably be "differently abled". These physical or mental disorders are subtley referred to almost as the cause of the evil doer's isolation from society - an isolation that leads to hatred and ultimatley to the assembly of a uniformed militia and the construction of a huge and elaborate underwater/inside a volcano base of some kind.

 

 

A non-disabled baddie - Rare!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps Daffydd Cameron's Bedroom tax will inadvertantly limit the activities of these tyrannical disabled beasts by forcing them to pay for all the unused bedrooms in their massive lairs. That would be helpful. Or perhaps, it will simply just make the lives of people with disabilities even harder than it already is. Thanks for that you Moon-faced, horse covetting, chinny ponce. And yes, I've resorted to making fun of your appearance because I couldn't think of anything funny to write about the three tax-payer funded houses you have for your family of five.

 

This of course, leads me to what's his name - fast bloke, no legs, trigger happy - him. He has had two of his body parts amputated and he lives in a foriegn country...and that is the only reason he is getting a mention - because he reminds me of last week's PUN-OFF categories!

 

Alex Jones came flying in early doors with a his popular "Thighland" entry - gaining an admirable 8 Likes and a catchy name for the strip club I assume he intends to open once he gets permission from the council. Alex's effort was closely followed by the precision purility of David Whitehouse's "Botsweener".

 

However, glory was acheived aftre just 49 minutes of play by the magestic Russell Parker who jogged to victory by a huge margin. 16 Likes for his "Ovarie Coast" means that Russell is this week's PEOPLE'S CHAMPION. A testimonial on Russell's website describles him as having "A contagious charm". I know this to be false and can confirm that this is in fact a type error. Russell actually has a contagious ARM.

 

Honourable mentions

 

"Chinidad & Toebago" by Jonjo Neeves deserved much more recognition than it got - althought 11 Likes is not to be sniffed at.

 

Likewise for Philip Ashman's "Japancreas" - a pleasing meld of two highly regarded outposts.

 

Matt Fleming's "Labia" combined brevity, biology and North Africa in one, five letter words. Brave...almost visionary wordage from Fleming.

 

Good work one and all - it was a classic week of punning, a vintage week of skill and hilarity. Thank you once again.

 

Also, please forgive my forgetfulnnes of late - I've either got early onset dementia or its because of the baby.

 

 

 

 

Results - 25th January 2013

Categories: Emotional states/feelings & Animals

 

Last week's Pun-off reminded me of just how varied and complex the spectrum of human emotion can be: the soaring highs, the crushing lows and the muddy ambivalence's of everything in between. It is a small mercy that I have a phenomenally efficient filter in operation ensuring that the response to every question regarding my state of mind starts and finishes with: "Yeah, sound thanks...yeah". I call it the "Sound-thanks Sandwich" and it works wonderfully - give it a go!

 

The winner of last week's fine punnery affair might want to pepper his "How are you?" responses with not so subtle allusions to his glorious victory.

 

Friend: Hey, how are you?

 

Winner: Yeah, sound thanks....<stretching into a fake yawn depicting how casual he is> you know...just winning the Pun-Off and that...but yeah, sound thanks.

 

It was a strong start once again with debutant Andrew William Spence throwing in the highly unorthodox, cryptic but no less enjoyable "Finding Emo" - think about it. It's a good one. David Whitehouse was next to impress with his popular and titular "Sexual Arowlsal" - it's a bit of a tongue twister but Whitehouse is prone to experimentation...and is certainly better for it.
 

This week's People's Champion has been a regular on the Punning Scene since the early days and usually displays a skill level that puts him very much in the "Workmanlike/reliable/dependable" category of punners - skillful but not a mercurial maverick like your Dean's and your Galpin's. However, this week he has risen in prominence to produce this fine piece of work:

 

Pheasantly surprised - Martyn Norman

 

 

"Come at me bro....!"

 

 

 

Congratulations Martyn - a very admirable 12 likes seals the deal for you this week. Pheasantly surprised sounds like the name of tasty west country real ale. Real ale is not only one of the best things to ever happen it is also a refuge for self-conscious Puns. Martyn's Pun is a delight to behold and to say - a worthy winner indeed.

 

Honourable mentions

 

 

Mehcat - Pete Williams

 

The expression "Meh" has recently become absorbed into the lexicon of emotion and I'm delighted that Pete was willing to be progressive and aggressive with it's usage here.

 

Hawkward - Emma Mortali

 

Another belter on a bird theme - creative thinking from Mortali.

Bi-Polar Bear - Jon Fawbert

A popular effort that just missed out on the top spot.


#We also had a couple of debuts this week:


Nick Murrie
It was a tentative opening day for Nick...but we've seen this from debutants before and it's only a matter of time before the need to create increasingly elaborate Puns interferes with his professional life.

Andrew William Spence
A promising new-comer to the competition who has already shown an eagerness and a creative streak. One of my "Ones to watch "for the 2013 season.


A loving, affectionate week of Punning, thank you to all that took part. There will probably be a Pun-Off tomorrow, I'll try not to forget!

 

 

Resuls - 11/01/13

Categories: Novels/books/literature

 

Puns have featured pominently in the public eye this week thanks to the not so surprising discovery of horse in Tesco's "beef burgers". They've been having a right 'mare! See, even I'm at it! All the recycled Puns on my Facebook newsfeed cause me to wonder whether there might be central agency that releases Puns to the public following something vaguely amusing happening in the news. If so, I want a job there.

 

I wasn't surprised to hear that cheap supermarket burgers have got "other" animals in them and I don't exactly sympathise with anyone who feels that they have been decieved by the labelling. Most people who genuinely give a toss about what they put into their bodies know that there are dodgy things going on at the lower end of the price point. To assume that a global corportate monolith has your interests at heart is as naive as it is hilarious.

 

This seemlessly brings us to this weeks competetion. Like last week we almost had a winner from the off with Jonn Dean's compelling opening effort (50 Shades of Cray) and Shane Mageean's wonderfully composed To Krill a Mockingbird. This week's winner is a veteran of The Pun-Off stage:

 

Chimpo McR - Lord of Herrings

 

One is required to slightly alter ones approach with this entry. The natural rhythm of the original phrase is disrupted but the pay-off is well worth the extra linguistic yardage. Chimpo has solid Punning heritage and keeps good word-play company thanks to his association with Pun-Off titan Richard Reason. The pair of them have recently taken to running their own pun-off as a means of promoting their popular Manchester club night. The winner of their competition gets free tickets and exciting free stuff. I may well consider awarding prizes for my Pun-off but the only regular club-like thing I run  is actually the Pun-Off so the prize would be painfully cyclical. Well done Chimpo McR - I've done my best to get yours name right this time!
 



 A male Herring is called a "Hisring"

 

 

 

 

 

Honourable mentions

 

 

Sam Palmer - The Cod Delusion

Wonderful images being conjoured up here - especially in light of the fact that all the Prawn again Christians will be furious. 

 

James Mochan - Clamlet

I understand that James dabbled in one of our defectors Pun-Offs while I was away. You may remember there being a guy I can only describe as "a right bell-end" being involved in the early days. Anyway, he went off and started his own Pun-off and James was seen to get involved. However, I forgive him entirely pending a full letter of apology (and HMV gift card). Welcome back James.

 

Oliver Hire - Great Excrustacians

Mr. Hire always seems to be Punning from some foreign shore and has travelled so widely that it is not uncommon for him to be pulled aside by customs officers because of his  multiple Somali passport stamps. How he manages the all the time-difference and such quality puns is beyond me. 

 

Siany Jones - The Hitch-Pike-ers Tide to the Galax-Sea

This is just massive from Jones. She often aims high and rarely falls short. Known for her multi-puns Siany remains a prominent figure. So much so that she will be running a 3-day Multi-pun workshop at Birmingham NEC in April. Tickets are on sale (£345 inc. accomodation)

 

David Whitehouse - Do Androids Breem of electric Sheep

Unfortunatley for David this fine entry was entered to late to yield an likes - had it not come to mind so late I suspect David would have much to celebrate this week. Solid knowledge base from Whitehouse.

 

 

Thank you to everyone who took part - it was solid week with a pleasant, easy going feel. I look forward to seeing your efforts tomorrow. Get involved, tell your friends, never stop punning!

 

Results - Christmas Special 2012

Categories: Christmas & Famous Brits

 

"What a marvellous food it is!" I thought as I pinched an egg from it's cardboard nest. The humble egg: such a dexterous orb of potential, a proud, unsung martyr amidst all the fluff and grandeur of a modern kitchen. With all it's unhatched potential and vulnerability I admired it, held at eye-level in the fluorescent light of it's battleground and limply wristed it onto the edge of the bowl. As I whisked my mind wandered and happened upon my developing list of New Years resolutions. I decided to add something:

 

1. I will stop personifying foods

If I see an uneaten grape or a forgotten carrot I must not feel sorry for it as if it were a child left behind after World War II evacuation selection line-up. It draws valuable attention away from my own child who I appear to be using as a subconscious conduit for my feelings about food by dropping a small portion of everything I eat on her head.

 

2. I must stop dropping food on my daughter

She spends a lot of time in the sling, attached in a seemingly perilous dangle from my chest. Having her so close is lovely for us both of course but it does mean that I have to do almost everything at arms length - this includes eating. I'm a messy eater at the best of times - at University I has a special T-Shirt I would put on at tea-time to preserve the 2-3 clean ones I had for another day. By the end of term it had absorbed almost every conceivable flavour and could, if licked hard enough, be experienced in the same way as that magic wall paper in Willy Wonka's factory of Choco-perversion. I'm concerned that if the current regime continues relatives visiting and kissing our daughter gently on the cheek will be able to tell what we had for lunch the day before.

 

3. Get to the Pun-off results in under two paragraphs

It appears I have failed on this occasion. Right! Starting Monday...

 

So, in a departure from tradition I will not be awarding a 1st, 2nd and 3rd place anymore. I'm uncomfortable with the power - this is essentially a community brought together by a love of Punning and me deciding a "winner" and hanging the sword of Punicles above their victorious head for a week makes me uncomfortable. Also, the People's Champion is clearly the title to go for - the admiration of your peers is reward enough surely. Honourable mentions will stay and benefit from a slight extension. So here we go:

 

PEOPLE'S CHAMPION

 

The opening Pun of the day at 9:32am was a strong one from James "The Bulb" Watts (DENISE VAN SPROUTEN) and gained an impressive opening vote with 14 likes. This was promptly followed and topped by Philip Ashman who achieved an impressively early 15 likes with his first entry (Ant & Decorations). However, by 9:45am we had our People's Champion:

 

Hanukkah Rice - Jonn Dean

 

Oh! The familiar feeling of typing Jonn Dean's name next to a victorious Pun! I'm not surprised to see Dean featuring so prominently at the start of the season. He showed consistent form in the early days of Pun-Off. He's clearly benefited from the break and returns here as worthy winner with a handsome 19 Likes. Here he shows an astounding flexibility to shift the category cross-culturally without undermining its impact. Sure, syabblically it is strong but that's not why it achieved what it did. There is a nostalgia factor here and possibly even a mild subconscious sexual element as those of us that were pre-teens during Anneka Rice's spandexular reign will testify. I didn't actually have lustfull feeling for Rice...but I sensed that my dad did and that induced an interesting, conflicted reaction in me. The same happened with Debbie McGhee, and Barry Norman. Well done Jon, you're the King of Christmas!!!

 

Factual Caption
Rice: Holding a hat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honourable Mentions

 

Eamon Driving Holmes for Christmas - Kelly Williams

 

Punning House (Stroud) enjoyed this one and I sung it merrily that evening. Williams showed potential through-out the day.

 

David Paperhattenborough - Emma Mortali 

 

Mortali has always been a contender but has (up to now ) not reached her potential - I sense that last week's competition could be the start of something special.

 

Five Gold Stings! - Aaron Pittman

 

I was singing this one too and will do forever more! Pittman wins the Edward McCartney showboating award for his thematic work on the day. Punning strongman Tim Evans very shrewdly forgave the typically frowned upon use of exclamation marks because of the tradition fervour with which "FIIIIIVE GOOOO.....ULD RINGS!" is usually sung.

 

Santa-y Hopkins - Sophie Galpin

 

I anticipated a strong game from Sophie and she did not fail us. Consistently strong and innovative, The Galp is THE punner to watch in this season.

 

And there we have it. Apologies for the slightly late results - my "change of circumstances" (that makes it sound like a bad thing!) means that I am hoping to get the results done in an hour - i.e. my dinner hour on a Monday or Tuesday. It means the results are likely to be a bit shorter but that's no bad thing. So, tune in tomorrow when I will be administering the Pun-Off while travelling to and from Cornwall for work.

 

Thank you to those that welcomed me back so kindly - I really hope that I can deliver on my promise to reinstate The Pun-Off - I will do my best and I hope I can rely on your patience. Until tomorrow!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Pun-off returns! Hazah!!

A lot have changed since the Pun-off began back in...when was it?September 2011? I can't remember without looking it up and that would involve me becoming frantically entangled in  a Multiple Internet Browser Scenario (MIBS). I find that a MIBS can only usually be tolerated in the hasty pursuit of pornography or, to take a more current example, the best value electric breast pump. Life moves on.

So, with all the changes I needed The Pun-off to stop for a while and let all the things settle. My witterings might appear like effortless mental spillages but they are in fact the most time consuming challenge I have undertaken since trying to iron a shirt properly for an interview in 2006. It worked, sort of. Instead of looking like a scarecrow, as is normal, I looked like a scarecrow's regional supervisor. It turned out to be enough.

 

Anecdotally speaking, there has been a pleasing demand for the Pun-Off to return. There has even been a small number of people who have struggled immensely without it and who, I believe, have cycled through the five stages of the Kubler-Ross Model of Grief:

 

Denial: Punners continued to turn up at my virtual door on a Friday with puns at the ready only to be turned away like homeless people arriving late for a night shelter.

 

Anger: Mild and probably empty threats were wafted towards me stating that lives could be lost if the Pun-Off did not return immediatly.

 

Bargaining: "Why don't you pass in on to someone" they'd say, and "Why don't you do it once a month instead...please...PLEASE...don't take this away from me"

 

Depression: A palpable malaise gripped many of you - especially those who decided to go part-time at work to accomodate your Punning needs.

 

Acceptance: Some, but not all, decided to move on. A small even group set up a weekly Punning session of their own - the success of which I am keen to hear about. But, as was established when considering Kubler-Ross' model, one cannot accept a loss, one simply adapts to it.

 

The emminent psychologist Robin Barrow developed his model of "The Cycle of Chronic Sorrow" with this pit-fall in mind. While some of you accept that the Pun-Off ended, periods of transition and change are inevitiable and they remind you that life is not as it once was - and so begins the cycle of denial, anger, etc. By the way, "The Cycle of Chronic Sorrow" is what I have christened by bike. It is the transportation equivilant of a disobeident, athsmatic horse.

"Stop! Thief!"
Robin Barrow

 

 

So yes, the Pun-off will return with a Christmas special on Friday 21st December and then, come 2013 it will return properly with a small number of small changes - nothing to worry about - just time savers for me really.

 

More information will follow about the changes, but until then I would invite you to begin thinking about what you need to do to prepare for the new season of Punning. Do you need to reevaluate your style? Is specific training required? I'll leave it up to you of course - but I hope that you are ready to challenge yourselves

Remember our mantra (to paraphrase the Rocky IV sound track):

In the Punner's Code, there's no surrender

Though your body says "Stop"

Your spirit cries - "NEVER"

Deep in your soul, a quiet ember

Knows its YOU-AGAINST-YOU...

It's the paradox that drives us all

Until then my friends...

 

 

 

Pun-off season Finale results!

Categories: UK Towns/Cities & Movies

Fatherhood is imminent. I think it is fair to say that now. We've entered the disconcertingly vague period of pregnancy known as "Full term" and I've been trying to decide how many pints of my glorious local ale (Stroud Brewery's wonderful "Budding") I can have without compromising my now heightened state of vigilance. I am officially on "High Alert/Defcon 5" and should - in theory - be  able to deliver Mrs. Pun-off to Stroud Maternity hospital in a flurry of perfectly executed logistical manoeuvres. I think three pints is probably the limit - after that I'm likely to want to finish watching The Bourne Ultimatum and make some Cheese-on-Toast before we walk the 500 yards to the hospital.

 

That's right...500 yards! I don't yet hold a full driving license and my converted 3-speed track bike won't have enough torque to pull a trailer up the hill - so, we'll be walking to the hospital.

 

This is all besides the point and merely a backdrop to the highly important business of getting the season finale results out. It's taken me three months to do it - but I haven't spent that three months twiddling my thumbs you know?! I've been a busy boy. I hadn't even looked at the entries until this afternoon so I'm looking at them with totally fresh eyes. Here are the winners and honourables mentions of THE LAST EVER PUN-OFF............of 2012. Ha! Got ya!

And so....in 3rd place....

 

He's recently become a father himself so I'm sure he'll be reading this with a heart full of love and beard full of sick.

 

Llandudno retreat - no surrender - Jim Cattell

 

This Pun is on the clunky side and it delivers late. However, sometimes a pun that doesn't reveal itself too early can be a pleasant surprise - like a person giving you the old "Do you want the good news - or bad news?" spiel. Jim could have used Llandudno twice here but resisted the urge...my inner voice likes the idea but in reality it might be a bit much. It's hard to say. Well done Jim, your punning ability is proving to be as effective as your evidently skillful sperm.

 

 

 

In 2nd place...she's been a consistent performer with flourishes of brilliance; this is a great way to finish a very strong season of punning:

 

Lytham let die - Vicki Night-Owl Powel

 

I'd describe this pun as Syllabically perfect and discrete, held together with an admirable knowledge base, finished with a garnish of flare. It's got a beautiful flow to it and is short and impactful enough to go unnoticed when delivered at speed. My previous assumption that Vicki is actually an owl have now been confirmed - owls have been acknowledged to be outstanding at Puns and are currently ranked 3rd in the Animal Species Punning World rankings behind Giraffes and Dogs respectively.

 

 

And in 1st place....I don't know much about him but rumours have been circulating that he is the man responsible for the recent price increase of the Cadbury's Fudge.

 

Truro-mance - Ray Freeplumber Neal

 

A perfect Pun to finish a perfect season of Punning. Look at it! Look at it's glorious smooth edges and delightful hyphen. Never before has a hyphen brought so much joy. Well done Ray. I'm curious....is "Free Plumber" his name? Or is it one of the following:

 

1. Ray is a plumber by trade that does pro-bono work for the needy.

2. Ray is a "Free Plumber" in the same sense that a "Free runner" is a person that travels around by jumping about and bouncing off things. Does he fix toilets in this manner?

3. His moniker is a cryptic appeal to free Christopher Plummer* from his contractual obligation to star in a sequel to Schindler's List called "Schinder's crisps".

 

*yes, I know the spelling is wrong but I'm pretending that it's Ray's mistake, not mine.

 

 

And to this week's People's Champion!!!

 

...sorry...I can't find the original game on my time-line thing so I can't calculate it. So, I declare the People's Champion to be...

 

TERRY NUTKINS!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honourable mentions

2001:a Space Oswestry - Paul Goodman

Solid knowledge from the Good Man.

Biscester Act - Rich Dinham

My Lieutenant does splendidly here.

 

Bude, where's my car? - Chris Wain

"Wain will I, will I be famous?" Sorry Chris.

 

Inderpenzance Day - Sophie Galpin

The Galp strikes again

Brent of a woman - Ben Sutherland

The London Borough of Brent doesn't quite qualify as a town but I like this one anyway. Oh Ben...you could have had "Stoke-on-Trent of a Woman".

 

 

So, here endeth the season of Punning. I don't know when the Pun-off will be back - maybe after Christmas...maybe next Spring...maybe when the baby is old enough to run it in my place! Thanks a million troops...you're all the very best of eggs.

Welcome to the Dadding Zone!

It has become an increasingly futile exercise lately; an endless temple tapping, lip nibbling harassment. To arrive at a suitable conclusion regarding the “Essence of Dad” seems like a distant dream to me now, and yet I still found myself vigilantly searching for clues from the small cohort of Dads that stood before me over the weekend. A flotilla of Dad’s joined some friends and I for a few days of father-son bounding, real ale and International Rugby Football Union. That’s the official line anyway. I’d imagine that we youngsters also relished a rare opportunity to gather together a unique super-species of man and simply drink in their effervescent, conspicuous Daddery. Uniting Dads that haven’t met before and reviewing the ensuing behavioral trends is a sociological study I’m convinced could unlock the secrets of our gender. Perhaps if I could just identify a formula or nail down some sort of Dadding doctrine I thought. With this information I could square away the final facets of my own stuttering masculinity and discover what impact, if any, being raised almost exclusively by women has had on my ability to mend broken things and casually dispose of arachnids.

The essence that I’m speaking of does not refer to my dad in particular, and I’m certainly not referring to the way that he or any other Dad smells. While I don’t doubt that Dads across the land frequently radiate undertones of leather and wood, I doubt that Calvin Klien are cornering reticent, bare-chested fathers in sterile laboratories and swabbing them for inspiration. I can picture the campaign - “CK Dad: Release your inner Pragmatist”. Nah, not likely. Actually, I’d wager that most Dads haven’t even got time for smelling; they’re too busy trying to find practical solutions to emotional problems.

The weekend was a success in most – but not all – respects; the lads provoked voracious ale consumption and the Dads obliged, growing surprising rowdy towards the end. Tales of yesteryear were exchanged, music and movie tastes were debated (and mercifully agreed upon) and goodbyes seemed heartfelt. However, answers to key questions were allusive; conclusions were not arrived at and the only trends that became apparent related to the presence of robust action-slacks and stout multi-purpose sandals. It seems that a Dad outside of his natural habitat becomes an altogether different beast. Put a Dad in his natural environment (this will vary from Dad to Dad) and perhaps then clues will begin to emerge. Take for example my girlfriend’s Dad. I’ve seen him in his natural environment many a time – his garden, attending to practical duties on a Sunday morning. At this time he’s a like a city-fox…just a second….I’m not suggesting that he’s a semi-feral, flea ridden, uber-rodent who chews on the limbs of East London children, not at all. My comparison refers to how he might briefly catch your eye before hastily disappearing to attend to affairs elsewhere, seemingly just wondering around but actually in the midst of a pre-set, almost instinctive pattern of movement. He might glide past the kitchen window holding a rake or appear in the lounge, as if from nowhere, holding something that should have batteries but doesn’t; his eyes hungry for answers. At these times he is of course in The Zone…..The Dadding Zone!

I’ve seen my own dearest Papa in The Dadding Zone many a time – cautiously winding his watch to establish fully accurate time and date information, ensuring he is on time and on-guard at all times; the concentration forcing his tongue out between his lips. When I was little he was always in The Zone; Dadding diligently across every conceivable landscape. I see it less so now; not because he cares less or resents it, but because the playing field has leveled. He’s still in The Dadding Zone most of the time though, even in the absence of his children; it seems that once you enter you cannot completely leave.

As I have declined/evolved (delete as applicable) from a young man into becoming simply a “man” my Dad has become an increasing real person. As we have grown, his once “natural Dadding environments” have changed – his house, the car, the side-line, the riverbank, my mum’s bad books, the swimming pool, the promenade. The contexts of these environments have evolved and their functions have changed; all thanks to the inevitable growing older of his son. I’ve started to see my Dad as an actual person now; a fallible, questionably principled, waveringly stable human; just like everyone else. I’m thankful for it. His status simply as “Dad” seems at odds with the overwhelming reality that he is another person, pioneering across the ups and downs of a less than thrilling ride through modern masculinity and traditional bull sh*t. I couldn’t see any of this when I was young; I was too busy being cared for, advised and entertained. I was a busy boy.

Dad Jeans: Casual, smart, practical....
something for everyone!

These days I am still a busy boy and I see my Dad a handful of times a year, it’s always a joy. He is still my Dad in every sense but we connect in different ways. His apparent transformation in my eyes has not undermined the bound between us. Despite the apparent obligation to connect with each other with noisy, obvious ceremony I have never felt as close to him as I do these days; often sitting opposite one another in silence for hours on end, heads down, hands out as I mercilessly destroy him at chess.

They’re a remarkable bunch the Dads, and that’s putting it lightly. Their “Essence” can’t be bottled and passed around for us to consume. We can’t tap into their rich vein of experience, wisdom and confidence without doing the required leg work. Sure, we can point and laugh at their pragmatic haircuts and their fondness for sensible, weather-conscious shoes, but we….hang on…actually, let’s just do that. Let’s just take the p*ss out of them while we still can. Our time will come I know; it’s only a matter of a time before all the irony disappears out of my fondness for Phil Collins. Sometime in the near future I hope to have a son of my own. One day, many years from now, I will express an opinion about rock music or wear terrible jeans to a family function. He will look up at me over the rim of his pint glass, and utter those sacred words: “Oh my God Dad, you’re such a t*at”. I will have made it, I will finally be there, I will have entered and will never fully leave – The Dadding Zone.