Results - Christmas Special 2012

Categories: Christmas & Famous Brits

 

"What a marvellous food it is!" I thought as I pinched an egg from it's cardboard nest. The humble egg: such a dexterous orb of potential, a proud, unsung martyr amidst all the fluff and grandeur of a modern kitchen. With all it's unhatched potential and vulnerability I admired it, held at eye-level in the fluorescent light of it's battleground and limply wristed it onto the edge of the bowl. As I whisked my mind wandered and happened upon my developing list of New Years resolutions. I decided to add something:

 

1. I will stop personifying foods

If I see an uneaten grape or a forgotten carrot I must not feel sorry for it as if it were a child left behind after World War II evacuation selection line-up. It draws valuable attention away from my own child who I appear to be using as a subconscious conduit for my feelings about food by dropping a small portion of everything I eat on her head.

 

2. I must stop dropping food on my daughter

She spends a lot of time in the sling, attached in a seemingly perilous dangle from my chest. Having her so close is lovely for us both of course but it does mean that I have to do almost everything at arms length - this includes eating. I'm a messy eater at the best of times - at University I has a special T-Shirt I would put on at tea-time to preserve the 2-3 clean ones I had for another day. By the end of term it had absorbed almost every conceivable flavour and could, if licked hard enough, be experienced in the same way as that magic wall paper in Willy Wonka's factory of Choco-perversion. I'm concerned that if the current regime continues relatives visiting and kissing our daughter gently on the cheek will be able to tell what we had for lunch the day before.

 

3. Get to the Pun-off results in under two paragraphs

It appears I have failed on this occasion. Right! Starting Monday...

 

So, in a departure from tradition I will not be awarding a 1st, 2nd and 3rd place anymore. I'm uncomfortable with the power - this is essentially a community brought together by a love of Punning and me deciding a "winner" and hanging the sword of Punicles above their victorious head for a week makes me uncomfortable. Also, the People's Champion is clearly the title to go for - the admiration of your peers is reward enough surely. Honourable mentions will stay and benefit from a slight extension. So here we go:

 

PEOPLE'S CHAMPION

 

The opening Pun of the day at 9:32am was a strong one from James "The Bulb" Watts (DENISE VAN SPROUTEN) and gained an impressive opening vote with 14 likes. This was promptly followed and topped by Philip Ashman who achieved an impressively early 15 likes with his first entry (Ant & Decorations). However, by 9:45am we had our People's Champion:

 

Hanukkah Rice - Jonn Dean

 

Oh! The familiar feeling of typing Jonn Dean's name next to a victorious Pun! I'm not surprised to see Dean featuring so prominently at the start of the season. He showed consistent form in the early days of Pun-Off. He's clearly benefited from the break and returns here as worthy winner with a handsome 19 Likes. Here he shows an astounding flexibility to shift the category cross-culturally without undermining its impact. Sure, syabblically it is strong but that's not why it achieved what it did. There is a nostalgia factor here and possibly even a mild subconscious sexual element as those of us that were pre-teens during Anneka Rice's spandexular reign will testify. I didn't actually have lustfull feeling for Rice...but I sensed that my dad did and that induced an interesting, conflicted reaction in me. The same happened with Debbie McGhee, and Barry Norman. Well done Jon, you're the King of Christmas!!!

 

Factual Caption
Rice: Holding a hat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honourable Mentions

 

Eamon Driving Holmes for Christmas - Kelly Williams

 

Punning House (Stroud) enjoyed this one and I sung it merrily that evening. Williams showed potential through-out the day.

 

David Paperhattenborough - Emma Mortali 

 

Mortali has always been a contender but has (up to now ) not reached her potential - I sense that last week's competition could be the start of something special.

 

Five Gold Stings! - Aaron Pittman

 

I was singing this one too and will do forever more! Pittman wins the Edward McCartney showboating award for his thematic work on the day. Punning strongman Tim Evans very shrewdly forgave the typically frowned upon use of exclamation marks because of the tradition fervour with which "FIIIIIVE GOOOO.....ULD RINGS!" is usually sung.

 

Santa-y Hopkins - Sophie Galpin

 

I anticipated a strong game from Sophie and she did not fail us. Consistently strong and innovative, The Galp is THE punner to watch in this season.

 

And there we have it. Apologies for the slightly late results - my "change of circumstances" (that makes it sound like a bad thing!) means that I am hoping to get the results done in an hour - i.e. my dinner hour on a Monday or Tuesday. It means the results are likely to be a bit shorter but that's no bad thing. So, tune in tomorrow when I will be administering the Pun-Off while travelling to and from Cornwall for work.

 

Thank you to those that welcomed me back so kindly - I really hope that I can deliver on my promise to reinstate The Pun-Off - I will do my best and I hope I can rely on your patience. Until tomorrow!