Results - 24.02.2012

Categories: Famous dead people & things you'd find in the pub

I must not hesitate in apologising for my unacceptable tardiness. It is not at all like me. I was busy Friday, Wales beat England on Saturday and what followed is best described as: "Global loss of physical & emotional equilibrium". I settled down to do this on Sunday but Mrs. Pun-Off practically insisted I not waste any more of my time negotiating (with increasing futility) with a task manager so obtuse and arrogant. On Monday my workload ballooned to an all-time high - I was forced to work until 5:15pm!!! My employer's liberty taking has escalated beyond the point of amicable recovery.

Anyway, Puns....those glorious linguistic levellers. It was a great day of Punning I must say. Initially I thought I'd made an error of judgement with the chosen categories but gradually speckles of quality began to tumble in and the board lit up with some clever, witty and complex word-plays. As ever, selecting a winner was tough, but I've done what I can with the time that I have. Good luck to you all.

In 3rd Place...She's shown a consistency of Puns that has many a People's Champion looking over their shoulder. She almost nicked it this week with this excellent composition:

Albert Winestien - Katie Everson

Everson is clearly dangerous and has some other excellent entries this week. The beauty of this one is the simplicity and it's use of such a well known dead person and pub item. Technically, it's near perfect: flow, syllabic integrity...it's ticking all the boxes for me. Don't get me wrong though; Everson is not your pedestrian "Pun-by-numbers" box ticker. She's got an eye for an opportunity and the courage to go for it. There is much to admire here.

In 2nd Place...Like many a debutant before him he's claimed a prize in just his second week of competitive Punning. It's a highly imaginative (some would say unorthodox) Pun:

Steve Yobs - Jason Bevan

Bevan has pushed the categories to their outer most limits here. While there is no disputing that Mr. Jobs is deceased Jason really challenges people's perceptions with this entry. I love it. One could argue that a pun could be made using the given name of any sector of society that might reasonably be seen in a pub, but I would rigorously oppose this. For example, there is some supported accommodation for visually impaired adults opposite my favourite pub and they're in there all the time going about their business. However, it would be unreasonable for me to enter "Brailey Thompson"** as a genuine effort. Yobs and yobbery are synonymous with drinking and I admire Mr. Bevan's thinking here.

** Daley Thompson (former British athletics super-star) is not dead. In fact, I saw him six months ago eating breakfast in Putney. We exchanged glances and he knew I admired him. He still has an excellent hair/moustache combo.

Grapefruit for sale!

And in 1st Place with a Pun that made me laugh like a bawdy grandma confronted with porn:

Emperor Himojito - Martin Hall

Anybody able to find reasonable fault with this Pun is invited to email their arguments to - steveferbrache at hotmail dot com - where they will find themselves severely rebuked with a comprehensive list of reasons why this pun is imaginative, funny, clever and technically sound. The reply you receive will be almost as cumbersome as the previous sentence. Martin Hall is a winner.

PEOPLE'S CHAMPION

He hasn't moaned about the results or contacted me with helpful suggestions this week which implies he knows he is a winner. A very rich and hearty round of applause please for the Pun stylings of:

 Tupac of Crisps - Jon Hill

Jon is this week's People's Champion and I'm sure you'll agree this is an excellent piece of word play. It doesn't have the typical flow and syllabic structure I'd typically go for but it's popularity as a witty effort cannot be ignored. 15 "Likes" is an excellent response. I'm encouraged by Jon's improving form and am confident that his commitment to Puns on and off the field of play is paying dividends. Well done Jon, a deserving winner.

Debuts that I can remember (and a few from last week):

Mark Spicer, Jennifer Farmer, Thomas Ferguson, Edward Davis, Jason Bevan, Jonathan Owens.

If I've missed anyone please let me know and I'll give you a shout out. Oh lord, I just used the phrase "Shout-out". I've become a regional DJ hosting a village fete. For shame. 

The Edmund McCartney Award for ostentatious Punnery (Showing off)

The Winner is: Edmund McCartney

This week is was all about Puns on notable Mathematicians, pioneers of Architecture, modern existential philosophers and Crusade-era Islamic military leaders.

It was a great week, sorry for the delay with the results, I've clearly got my priorities all messed up. It probably won't happen again, but it might. Hope you don't mind.

Watch out over the next few weeks for special guest blogs from Tim "The Stalking Horse" Evans and Adam "Adam" Hallows.

Letter to Breville UK - Offer of Consultative services

Inspired by Jon Fawbert's excellent Movies/Household items Pun I have written to James Sizer, Communications Manager of Breville UK to offer the services of Punning House. Let's see how it goes!

Letter to Breville -

Bissed Off! By Adam Hallows

I have no problem with rules. I think they’re good. We need them.

That’s why Steve’s introduction of the Biss Clause - encouraging Pun-Off participation by limiting more prolific punners and discouraging frivolous punning, was a good thing.

But when you’ve submitted your fifth and final allotted pun of the afternoon, and then realise you’ve just come up with a far better one, it don’t half Biss you off.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It not only reinforces the spontaneous nature of this social phenomenon, but also the soupçon of pride, which if handled correctly can provide a compelling degree of competition and originality.

As a mere novice to this world, I can but only guess at the level of frustration felt by those who regularly find themselves exclaiming eureka! hours or days later, and imagine how they would have graciously accepted Steve’s endorsement of their perfect punnery.

But it seems to me that the frustration of failing to engage your brain quick enough to claim first prize is essential part of the experience if you are to truly understand the essence of competitive punning.

Because, by limiting participants by genre, time and submissions, it can bring out the best in people in ways they never thought possible, and creates new and exciting linguistic possibilities that quite literally didn’t exist before.

I was ‘Bissed off’ when thinking of superior puns later on, but I resolved that next time I would try harder to do justice to the competition, give the big hitters a run for their money and who knows, maybe even stumble upon a winner?

Results - 18.02.2012

Categories: Movies & Household items

You'd have to go quite a way back to find a Pun-Off with this much quality and quantity. It was a massive week: 330+ comments, most of which illustrated the high standard of Punning we've come to expect. The day's wordplay started well and didn't stop until the final moments; there were some moments of genius today not seen before. Today was a glowing endorsement for competitive Punning and Punning House is swollen with pride.

It goes without saying that judging a day like today was tough; really tough! My short list is 28 Puns long! Also, there are so many possible honourable mentions that I'm concerned people's feelings will be hurt if they don't get a shout out - please forgive me! So here we go, I did the best I could:

In 3rd Place....he's a fairly recent addition to The Pun-Off and it is a delight to have witnessed his speedy progress from workman-like Punner to deserved winner.

Full Kettle Jacket - Steve Dare

The Popularity of this Pun could not be ignored - 12 Likes. Let's focus for a moment on the syllabic integrity on display here; the subtlety of it alone makes me doff my cap towards Dare with reverence. The Kettle didn't feature anywhere near as much as I thought it would. Given it's lofty status in the history and culture of Britain perhaps people didn't want to degrade it by marrying it into a sub-par Pun. Dare has done nothing of the sort here and commendation is just.

Professional contact
lens remover

In 2nd Place....he's actually renowned for delivering deliberately bad Puns; which is a  quite a mind scrambling loop of logic. This week he seems to have pushed his Pun-gun into to overdrive and has surpassed himself:

Schindler's Whisk - Andy Watts 

Another very Popular Pun - 9 Likes. I imagine that Oscar Schindler owned a whisk at some point in his Jew liberating life and that makes this Pun work wonderfully as both an example of superior wordplay and as a matter of fact. Watts' is a highly regarded member of the Punning Community and it's a shame he hasn't been on the winner's board more. This is dominant work from the New Zealander perhaps indicating a change of approach.

And in 1st Place....Here he is again with a rich, hearty Pun that has depth in technical quality as well as imagery:

The Breville wears Prada - Jon Fawbert

A winner right up there with our other frequent champions: Mitchell, Dean, Watts, Evans et al. If one of you is able to find fault with this Pun then you've a better eye for Puns that I. It flows, it's assertive without bleeding over into the aggressive, it's syllabic integrity is without question and it conjures imagery so wonderful that it makes me want wee in my own eyes. A Prada Breville advertised with this kind of Pun could make a fortune. I feel a letter to Breville coming on. Well done Jon, you're a true champion of the art and me standing to attention and saluting your face is the best I can do to honour your class.

And so to THE PEOPLE'S CHAMPION award....he's a superstar of Punning; he's as honourable in victory as he is technically brilliant. Punners and Punnettes, I give you this masterpiece:

Spatula Future - Jonn Dean

Jonn was noble enough to fess-up and announce at the point of Pun delivery that he had some assistance with this one. But, I don't care! If Jonn knows someone who came up with this Pun then he deserves to win purely for keeping such good company. Imagine a TV advert with Professor Doc Brown showcasing the latest innovation in cookware...followed by the strap-line - "Spatula Future". It's wonderful Punning and Dean deserves every accolade possible for this one. Astonishing Pun-work.

"Jonn Dean!?
Again!?"

Honourable mentions

Like I said; there were too many amazing Puns to mention every one here. To appreciate the quality just take a moment to skim through them all and add your favourites to the comments on the Facebook link.

However, there were a few special moments today that I couldn't ignore:

Precocious Punning

Rudi Barrington (Aged 10) showed a maturity of wordplay that would shame many a veteran Punner. The daughter of debutant Andy Barrington demonstrated that sometimes experience can be overshadowed by energy, dynamism and a deep-rooted desire to Pun. Well done Rudi, you are our youngest Punner yet.

The Edmund McCartney Award

This week's award for ostentatious, high-concept Punning goes to (surprise, surprise) Ed McCartney. He only used French language movies today in what could be perceived as a contemptuous statement of superior knowledge. This isn't actually the case of course, Ed just likes to "Mix it up". Runner up this week was Steve Bentham with Texchair Bikechain Massivecar - it's very ambitious work from Bentham, he might be best advised to rethink his strategy - his work is impactful but bordering on the overly complex. He's the determined type though and I'm convinced he'll turn it around.

The Steve's Mum Award

It's always great to see The Mazza getting involved. Mother and Son Punning - golden moments.

Power Punning

Rich Dinham & Tim Evans - Both threw in their Puns within a 2 minute window of oppourtunity. I suspect The Stalking Horse Evans has a note pad full of potential entries at his desk and eventually whittles them down to his final 5 to enter at the last minute. I expect Rich is just quite busy with his job...and son.

Debutants

Andy Barrington

Showed promise, technical skill and clarity in delivery. He's clearly training daughter Rudi for Punning greatness. Took a while to get involved, hope to see them both more.

Adam Hallows

Another late comer to The Pun-Off despite having a solid history in the wordplay realm. Is likely to excel as the weeks go on.

Zoe Wood

I've not seen a debut this brilliant since the the great Jonn Dean. A Spoon for Romeo Brass, To Grill a Mocking Bird, Barton Sink!! Quite brilliant.

Nathan Jones

Some strong work from Jones; he's another one to watch out for clearly.

Graeme Smith

Came into play late and made a good impression. Subtlety seems to be his weapon of choice and for me that's a wise approach.

I'm so happy about his week's performance; genuine quality and massive quantity. Since the inception of The Pun-Off we've seen much progress and by tomorrow the blog will have been viewed 3000 times in just three months. Please take a moment to share the link on your status - it's means more views, more people wanting to play and ultimately the advancement of Punning for all!!

Video: Letterman does Puns!

Here is American Television behemoth revealing his Top 10 worst Puns about Jeremy Lin. Lin is Basketball player for the New York Knicks and is apparently something of a Superstar.

It's top quality work Punning work, enjoy:

See you all tomorrow at The Pun-Off!!

A Valentines Day message from Punning House

Imagine my excitement when I came across a business that organises and conducts Pun based wedding ceremonies! Imagine my excited face, imagine it! Imagine me reaching for the mouse so hastily that I sent it clattering off my desk and into the recycling bin....





 

.....now imagine the crushing disappointment I felt when I realised that Pun Nuptials is in fact just a group of Independent Non-Denomination Marriage Officiants and Wedding Ministers whose name simply contains the word 'Pun'. Gutted.

Have a look at their website here but be prepared to listen to the Sentimental saxophone stylings of Kenny G while you're at it. To off-set this overwhelming disappointment and unwelcome aural assault I have decided that Punning House must, as a matter of urgency, contact Pun Nuptials and offer it's consultative services.

So, I will be putting together a proposal for working in partnership with Pun Nuptials. I firmly believe that a joint venture could be beneficial for both parties as well as the hundreds of thousands of couples out there who wish their wedding to have a Pun theme. I'll get on it. Watch this space.

Results - 10.02.2012

Categories: British Television personalities & Music albums

Oh my dearest Punners...what a week!! Grumble I cannot; praise and celebrate I can, and therefore must. The categories came to mind on the train platform early Friday morning, as I stood around shivering like a jaundiced Alaskan hooker. I knew then that today's efforts would yield Puns of the highest order: upper eschelon, Tier 1, platinum selling Puns. In fact - and I'm slightly reticent to say this out of fear of becoming an overly hyperbolic valve of glee - but I think one of my favourite ever Puns was unleashed this week. It's a bold claim I know but few people worth knowing make pedestrian, vanilla claims the whole time do they?

Choosing a winners board this week has been savage, not quite as savage as WWF legend Macho Man Randy but still, somewhat savage. We're talking mid-range savagery. I thought I'd made up my mind but having just done another quick recap I find myself debilitated with indecision.

Right, I've make my decision now. Here we go, the winners this week:

In 3rd Place...he's been a strong presence at The Pun-Off and his profile has risen significantly of late. This is excellent work:

 

Thora Hird it through the Grapevine - John James

Bristolian John has dug deep here and brought Dame Thora Hird back into our midst, coupling her here with a best-of soul album from history's only significant Marvin. I'd say this Pun has uses elsewhere, perhaps an advertisement for hearing aids. Whatever it's destiny it is a stand alone Pun that is as unassuming as it is robust - much like the late, great professional old person that Ms. Hird was. Well done John.

Hird:
One of TV's best Sitters

In 2nd Place...it's been a little while since we've seen such a cohesive Double-Pun. This one is excellent and was thrown down very early, it was just the second Pun of the day in fact:

Billie Piper at the gates of Dawn French - Jon Fawbert

It's a big Pun. Big in size, big in concept, big in impact - everything about it is big. In utilising this lesser known early Pink Floyd album Fawbert demonstrates his solid knowledge base as well as his respect for the field. The imagery of this Pun is also wonderful and brings to mind two scenarios:

1. Billy Piper is attending a dinner party at Dawn French's house and has just arrived with a bottle of New Zealand Sauv in hand.

or

2. Having fallen on hard times Piper has taken up a job delivering flyers for an Indian takeaway. Upon arriving at a familiar driveway she remembers it as the home of Dawn French - peering through the gates at the grand abode before her she looks down at the flyers, back up at the house again and begins to sob quietly. The rain is now pouring and it has become obvious to Piper that there is now no way out of the enclosing darkness.

Good work from Fawbert; he is as familiar to the winners board as anyone in the Punning community.

AND IN 1ST PLACE....this Pun is probably my favourite Pun of recent times; it is simple, clever, funny and linguistically enriched.

Definitely Madeley - Frankie Maloney

Maloney was on form this week; about that there is no doubt - this is a deserving winner in my view. As I've said before Punning House looks very favourably on Puns that flow cleanly and maintain as much of their original form as possible; this is a perfect example. I was hoping someone would unleash a Madeley based pun and I'm glad it was such a quality one. It's coupled here with the classic British Album probably familiar to us all. I was going through a phase of quite serious aerosol abuse in 1994 so missed all the hype, but I did have quite a few interesting conversations with our dog Belle though. Anyway, I can't praise this effort enough, well done Frankie.

Looks a bit like
a shell-less turtle

And so to PEOPLE'S CHAMPION...

I'm so pleased that this Punner won the People's Champion award ! He is so very fond of Puns and I'm in no doubt he'll be delighted, and possibly humbled with his victory. With 15 "Likes" our People's Champion this week is:

Blood Alan Sugar Sex Magic - Paul Goodman

What's not to like about this Pun? It's coherent, it's intelligently researched and it was delivered with confidence. Paul "The Good man" Goodman is a dear friend of Punning House and I find even the back of his head funny - for him to finally be recognised on the Punning stage pleases me greatly. Well done Paul, you deserve this!

Honourable mentions

Chuckle Brothers in arms - Alan Mitchell

This was a very popular Pun from a renowned Punner.

Cheggers Banquet - Jon Fawbert

Possibly the title of Keith's new cookery show?

War Chiles - Edmund McCartney

Uncharacteristic brevity from McCartney.

Please Cleese me - Martin Hall

Lovely stuff from Hall - The Beatles got a good outing this week but this was my favourite.

Life through a Lens Goodman - Steve Bentham

Loving this from Bentham - he's been Punning away diligently and finally gets some deserved recognition. Big fan of his efforts.

Debuts

Kyle Avery - Unleashed a very high concept Pun right at the end that utterly confused me until just now. Needs to pay his dues at the coal face before I can properly assess his skills. Still, he shows ambition which is to be admired.

So, it was a great week for Punning and I feel that nearly everyone who took part represented themselves very well. We were missing a few familiar  and powerful Punners this week -  Sweeney, Parry, Griffiths, and Pete Williams to name but a few. Have a greay week and we'll see you all next week!!!

A PUNNING HOUSE APPEAL FOR ASSISTANCE

As many of you have seen Punning House has branched out into consultative Punning; this week's letter to Rhyl MP Chris Ruane is the first example. Everyone here at Punning House (me) feels that approaching politicians, companies and public figures and offering Pun-based assistance is the way forward. So, my question is this:

Is there anyone out there that could help design an official "Punning House" letter-head? Please let me know via Facebook if you can help. Ta.

Letter to Rhyl MP Chris Ruane - Punning House can help!

Here is my recent letter to the MP for Rhyl, Chris Ruane(pronouced Ru-ain...this is important). I'm confident that Punning House could be of service to the regeneration of Rhyl! I look forward to his response....














This is the best way I could find to embed the letter in the blog, so I hope you can read it - it'll be easier on a computer. Enjoy!



Letter to Chris Ruane redacted -

Chris Ruane

Results - 03.02.12

Categories: Toys/games & Rugby Players

Thank you all kindly for immersing yourself in today's topical Pun-off. I appreciate that Rugby isn't to everyone's tastes but I felt that if the Pun-Off can reflect current events then it should. Saying that, I'm not sure there is much mileage in Punning around Chris Huhne getting sacked or John Terry being a C*nt. Sorry, an alleged C*nt. Whatever the case, we had a strong afternoon of quality Puns today and I'm pleased that I was able to fulfil the numerous requests for a rugby themed week.

There was some mild consternation from our female Punners this week - I can understand that sports might not suit our women as much, but what am I to do?! If I were to occasionally attempt to redress the balance with categories that were women-specific, then which might I choose without risk of appearing sexist and patronising? I can't even concoct fictional and painfully stereotypical categories without it making me look unbecoming. Perhaps you can...[prompt..prompt..prompt].

And so...to the results!!! Some high quality Puns this week from regulars, up and comers and debutants. Let's get to it....

In 3rd Place....we've not seen him on the leader board before but it's a pleasure to finally be able to recognise his workman-like approach paying off:

Brain O'Driscall-of-Duty - John Hill

He's been hitting the Pun-Off hard for weeks with mixed to limited success. Hill's enthusiasm is without bounds, he Puns early and regular and that is to be admired. Hill's apparent disgruntlement at last weeks results indicate how much Punning means to him and that is to be admired. A passionate Punner is a Punner empowered. Well done John.

In 2nd Place...this Pun is excellent, it references a unseen French work-horse and a bowling alley favourite:

Julien Bonnaire-Hockey - Justine Grimley

Bonnaire isn't the most well known of players despite being a highly capped French flanker. On the other hand, Justine Grimley is building the kind of reputation that an international sports star might look upon in envy. Now perhaps I'm making an unfair assumption here but I suspect that Grimley may have researched a little here. Not for Air hockey of course, we all know and love that, but for rugby players with favourably structured names. A commitment rich, stereotype shattering performance. Rest assured of your standing here Grimley; wield it like a axe this weekend.

Julien Bonnaire:
A little teapot and Proud

And in 1st Place....so mysterious is this Punner that he enters his Puns through a friend - Tom Adams.

Danny Careplunk - Neil Buchannan

This is a powerful pun. There can be no doubt about that. Typically, Punning House prefers a Pun to fall within an existing syllabic structure. That being: the Pun is comprehendable without extension at either end. However, the marriage of the Care and Plunk here is irresistible and prompts one to repeat, and repeat again. Buchannan is an enigma. I'm reliably informed that we are not in the midst of Neil Buchannan of Art Attack fame - a reference that our winner is no doubt chronically fed-up with. What I do know is that he is a teacher at a school in South London and is a friend and colleague of Pun-Off  stalwart Tom Adams. He doesn't have a Facebook account and asks his Punning enabler Tom to submit on his behalf. Excellent honesty (and compliant servitude) from Adams. There is much to be admired about this partnership.

Avoiding Angina and
irony since 1990

And so...to PEOPLE'S CHAMPION!!!

WE HAVE A DRAW!!!!!! Behold....behold!!! We have a draw!

With 7 "Likes" each we have joint winners who have tasted glory before:

Mike Tindleywinks - Alan Mitchell

Tic Tac-Tony Underwood - Jonn Dean

Firstly to Alan Mitchell - a return to form and a return to popularity on the board. Alan is a rugby player and I expected a strong performance from him today. Saying that, I expect it every week but Mitchell hasn't been at his best in recent weeks. Mike Tindell is ripe for criticism currently so I won't add to the dirge of put-downs currently bestowed on his chernobyl-victim like, mangled cranium.

Jonn Dean has won People's champion before and is frequently featured here among the winners and the notable. He's exploited an archaic game here and matched it with the lesser known of an English wing partnership. Typically robust work from Dean today; consistently strong.

Notable Mentions

Pass the Marcel Garvey - Tim Evans
The Stalking Horse threw this in later on (typical) and I liked it a lot.

Sylvainian Fam-lee Bryne - Oli Hire
Previous winner Hire sneaks us a peak at the kind of toys he used to play with.

John Mallet's Mallet - Jonn Dean
Never has a simple repetition mattered so much!

Debutants

Matthew Cooper - may have punned before but he was prominent today.

Liz Brach - Promising new Punner; should find her feet in weeks to come.


Pulling a McCartney - This week's show-boater

Mike Bl-airfix Super marine Walrus MKII 1:72 - Alan Mitchell

Very silly Alan, very silly.


Another strong week with tough categories; you pulled through and I'm proud. See you soon. Please share the link if you'd like Punning to grow!!!

Clip: I have seen my future....

Is this me in 30 years? Will I end up delivering short tutorials about Puns with the explosive fervour of this gentleman?

I certainly hope so.....

See you at The Pun-Off tomorrow!!!