Jonathan Ronathan Fawbert was born on May 25th 1982 aboard an illegal riverboat casino moored in the port of Bandar Anzali, Iran. His father, Clement Fawbert(orginally from Duntisbourne Abbots, Gloucestershire) was a well respected Blackjack croupier and took the position on the vessel at the insistance of his friend and fellow Croupier George "The Soil" Jackson. Jackson's sister Janet also worked aboard the boat as a cocktail waitress but was notoriously lazy and spent much of her time below deck recieving violin lessons from a kitchen porter. Clement and Janet fell in love instantly and 9 months later Jonathan was born during a voilent thunderstorm that prevented any trained medical professionals attending. Instead, Jonathan was delivered by a guest aboard the ship; Irish featherweight boxer Barry McGuigan.
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| McGuigan Came to the family's rescue |
Jonathan's birth drew unwelcome attention from the authorities and the casino was soon closed down leaving the young family desititute. Luckily, Barry McGuigan (by now Jonathan's Godfather) took pity on the family and offered them a place to stay at his family home in Lurganboy, Ireland.
After several years in Ireland working as McGuigan's cut-man Clement returned to Gloucestershire with his family and set about establishing an illegal, waterbased gambling enterprise of his own. Unfortunately, the only vessel the family could afford was a small green canoe with just enough room for two small people and a croupier. Clement moored the canoe in a local stream and equiped it with a card table, gas powered lantern and cool-box. It opened in December 1988 but due to the extreme cold and secluded location did not have any custom until May 1989 when 2 local school children dropped by and won £1800 and £1200 respectively. The Casino Canoe went bust and Clement took whatever work he could find - an unqualified optometrist operating in the snooker room of Cirencester's British Legion, an animal psychotherapist rehabilitating traumatised hens and finally Head Coach of the English Women's Hockey Team. It was around this time that he invented and eventially patented a sports drink called - "Bacon". It was essentially a pint of cooked, liquidised bacon but it proved popular and the Fawbert's finally had enough to live on.
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| Clement's Illegal "Casino Canoe" - a gamble that didn't pay off. |
However, the family were in still in quite significant debt and Jonathan's behaviour at school was seriously effected by all the disruption. In December 1992 he was expelled from school for eating 18 raw eggs and continuously screaming the name "Paul Daniels" during the school nativity play. It became apparent that Jonathan had become romantically obsessed with the TV magician's wife Debbie McGee and that it was consuming his life. In order to deal with this issue Jonathan's father contacted his old friend Barry McGuigan who had recently appeared along side Paul Daniels as a guest backing vocalist on Dr. Dre's seminal work The Chronic.
McGuigan arranged for Jonathan to meet Debbie McGee with a view to helping him come to terms with his obsession. It worked brilliantly and the two formed a healthy, platonic relationship. McGee acted as a mentor to Jonathan and he started progressing well at his new school. McGee was a keen word-smith and schooled Jonathan in the art of Punning; the two would pun for hours on end while strolling in the Forest of Dean.
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| McGee - happier times? |
Tragically, McGee was involved in a Beef related accident in early November 2011 and was paralysed from the bottom-lip up. Truamatised and grieving for the loss of his mentor and punning partner he vowed to win the Friday Pun-off in her memory. He did this empathically on 25th November 2011.
Fawbert vists Debbie McGee everyday to bring her Vimto and pornography; he is unemployed.
